The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I feel sick, anxious, and depressed. I don't know why everytime we get into an arguement I feel this way. Is it because I know that the first thing he'll do is try to get a drink? Hopefully he doesn't still have any change left over after running to the store for me yesterday... but then again he probably went through everyone's stuff while were at church...
I cryed like 3 times while I was at church, thinking about this relationship. My AH has been sober for about a month. It seemed inevietible. Friday he was wanting to go over his cousins house (where he drink up thier beer) and Saturday he kind of wanted to also.
And now , yes, he's "back on the juice", like any holiday, this one too is ruined. We had pretty nice 'little' gifts for him too. But his attitude is sour and he's a big annoying baby. I really do wish I had family or friends nearby, it even irritates me to see him. I need someplace else to go anytime this happends. Over the last 12 years I haven't gotten close to really anyone. The alcoholism has made me enbarassed and afraid to open up to anyone. Plus i really hate crying (cause once i start, I can't stop) and that's where talking about it will get me. My parents don't even know the story.
Many times before, I've just kind of avoided interacting with my AH after he begins drinking. But I really don't even want him to interact with the kids either. He starts telling the kids that he going to miss them when he's gone.... unfortuatly I'll never get to know them... remember his name.... blah blah blah
At this rate, that'll be sooner than later. Tell it to God on judgement day.
Ummm- where is the spell checker on this thing?...
You have CHOICES. You don't need to let him ruin your day or speak to the kids in that manner. Gather them up and go have fun! Leave your A to sit with himself while you enjoy and make a new path for yourself. Yes, it's just that simple.
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
You have been fighting a battle for 12 years you can't win. Don't feel bad, sick, anxious or depressed...no one has ever won the battle with alcoholism, yours truly included. Nothing you have done has caused him to drink. He drinks for one simple reason .... he's and alcoholic. He has to blame someone so he blames you for his disease...but he owns his disease....not you. Why does he blame you ?....for two reason, one you are there, and two he is not willing to look in the mirror.
If you have read any replies to posts such as yours I'm sure you are aware they are all different, yet all the same. You like thousand of others (myself included) have been consumed by someone elses drinking. In the rooms of Al-Anon is where you will find "your ticket" that will direct and guide you to the recovery you so desperately need. For 12 years nothing you have tried or done has worked. Nothing you try in the future will make him change. I repeat...nothing. You are the only person you have any control over, and the only person you can change.
Jewel when I was in the grips of this powerful disease and didn't know which way to turn a friend suggested I should attend Al-Anon meetings. Believe it or not that was at 7:15 P.M. on a Monday night. I asked where can I find a meeting, and was told there was a meeting that happened to be three blocks from my home at 7:30. I walked in at 7:25 and was greeted by smiling faces, caring and understanding members who all had walked or were walking in my shoes.... That was my lucky day...I was not alone anymore...I had found "my ticket". That was almost four years ago. Why did I tell you that story? I want you to have what I have, a program that will show you how to "unlearn" all the things you have be doing for the past 12 years that hasn't worked. Like I did, give it a try...your life will get better....what have you got to lose!!
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Sunday 20th of June 2010 11:03:31 PM
Jewel, I can only reiterate what everyone else has said to you.
Please try and attend an alanon meeting, It will open many doors for you. You dont have to sit there and feel paralyzed in your situation.
This disease of alcoholism not only has its grip on the A, but on us too, the spouses and family and children.
Im not a person that confuses easily, but this disease kept me confused for too many years. The A will do anything not to face his drinking, he is resistant and manipulative. He will have you believing this is your disease if he can.
Keep coming back to post and find an Alanon meeting close to you. It will be the best thing you ever did for yourself.
The on y suggestion I can give u if its getting old , stop doing it .!!! It only takes one person to create change and if we want change we have to be willing to create it .. What your doing is not working , u have nothing to loose by trying f2f meetings and learning a better way to live and u have alot to gain . Some one has to get off the merry go round , we keep doing the same things over and over again expecting this time it will be different and it never is , well thats not true its usually worse . He is only doin what alcoholics do . drink .
Thank you everyone. Yes i understand and will take action on what your saying. And you didn't tell me anything that i didn't tell someone else b4, but it's so hard to use common sense sometimes. I've got to follow your advise (and mine own) and get off the marry go round.
We had pretty nice 'little' gifts for him too. But his attitude is sour and he's a big annoying baby. I really do wish I had family or friends nearby, it even irritates me to see him. I need someplace else to go anytime this happends. Over the last 12 years I haven't gotten close to really anyone. The alcoholism has made me enbarassed and afraid to open up to anyone. Plus i really hate crying (cause once i start, I can't stop) and that's where talking about it will get me. My parents don't even know the story.