The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So much is going on & I feel somewhat overwhelmed! My mind has been somewhat absent & my emotions are on my sleeve lately! I need a long bath & a break! Unfortunately, I have no bath tub to sit in--cracks on the tub... what can I do? accept the things I cannot change.
so, I go for a walk, get on the computer & let it all out! I can only spend about a half hour on this computer so I have to think quick! Most days I can't even get on the computer. I just wait til I am able to & press on! Most days I can't even type what I am thinking so I wing it!
My AH is doing better than I am still. He goes to more F2F meetings than I do. I guess someday my mind will let me tell my story. I guess that means that I am not ready to share my story or any share in meetings right now. I actually get anxiety when I share & take it home so I can't sleep. So, sometimes I go to an open meeting & don' t share. I listen pretty well these days--especially when the topic has to do with HP. I love to hear people's views on God. I have been gettting better at leaning on Him--I chose to call "HIM" God because that is the only way I know him & have always trusted in HIM to be the one I turn to when I am special need of a good long talk. I need to talk to God sometimes because He listens & when I do, I don't feel alone.
Well...at least I get on MIP once in awhile. I am so glad this is here because I have to face so many challenges & it seems this is the best way for me to let go of some of my anxiety.
So to any newcomers: I say that it gets better--even when I am anxious, I can see that there is hope & that I can turn to people in recovery who have been there too. Keep going to meetings even when you don't feel like it! I have been to a lot of meetings over the years & I tell ya the meetings are crucial in the beginning especially to get things started & get working & taking those 12 steps. Sometimes we just 123 them. Take step one, take step two, then 3 & take a long time to get to get to step 4. I did a forth step years ago. It wasn't easy but I did it!
Like it says in AA's Big Book: keep on trudging the road to happy destiny! I will see you there, too.
Kathleen, Even though you share you are not feeling great,you sound so full of thoughts.
Your looking at things says to me you are aware. One thing about being in that pit, awareness is fleeting.
I learned anxiety to me was not trusting myself. Not trusting HP. For me,no matter what I know things will be ok.Just obstacles with options.Waking up, doing ONE day still is what I do.
Physically working very hard helped with it too.Even going to a gym is great to focus on.
Sometimes I journal how I feel too.Helps me to remember sometimes things are ok.
A few years ago things were going crazy around my house and I was going crazy with it. I woke up one morning and literally could not remember which issue I was supposed to be obscessing over that day.
My Higher Power was obviously at work that morning because I know full well I could not have done this by myself. I mentally placed all of the things that were causing me to obscess over other people, places and things, on a plate. I then mentally took each one off the plate, examined it, and asked myself,
Is this any of my business? Can I do anything to change this?
Most often the answer to both questions was NO, so I turned each one over to my higher power.
As I worked around the plate I was able to turn each one over to my higher power and soon I found that the only thing left on the plate was me.
I can only change myself, my happiness depends on me and what I do with me. I can no longer blame my sadness, my plot in life or my success on the A in my life. My happiness depends on what I do with each event that comes my way.
Keep Coming Back
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
