I too have been reawakening some childhood memories of late.  Going through many old photographs - my dad had a top notch camera and I'm finding pristine black and white negatives that are over 50 years old, that haven't seen daylight in almost as long.  Pictures of me, my parents, friends some of which can be identified, some not.  A school outing from first grade, where I can recognize and name half of the kids but the other half are perplexing... familiar, but I can't put a name to them.

Also, me at age 3 in one of those little inflatable swimming pools with my childhood girlfriend... we were inseparable until we went to separate schools, and continued to be playmates up until maybe age 11 or so and we drifted apart.  I'm being reminded how much of my childhood was shaped by this friendship... this girl's vivid imagination and sense of humor planted a lot of the seeds of who I am today.  She was one of three people (my dad, and my brother being the others) who could push my funny button and have me in stitches, laughing so hard I couldn't catch my breath.  All of this long before I took a drink, or found out my dad was an alcholic, or my parents getting divorced.

And I have seen much of her in my granddaughter (DramaGoddess), and that brought back memories too.  I sometimes wonder how my life would be different if we had remained "an item" and we had gotten married (like we always said we would from age 3 onward).  It's all water under the bridge now, but I have to acknowledge those people who influenced me so greatly, that not a day goes by when I don't use a mannerism or saying or giggle at something that I owe to that person's contribution to who I am.  The promises say, we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.  My past - with all of its turmoil and my self centered fear - is rich and detailed and I remember it well.  And I'm beginning to remember not just the facts and the events, but how I *felt*, little things like when we went off to kindergarten, I wouldn't let anyone else sit next to me besides my girlfriend for many weeks.  And how it was going to first grade the next year without her, when she went to a private school.  Until I got sober... and then a looong time after that.. my memory of the past was stories, events, places, people, talk, conversations... but never the emotions I was feeling at the time.  I thought all of that was long lost, but amazingly, it's coming back now.  Without any fear or regret, or embarrassment - it's a gift.

Barisax