The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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Well I'm still on my Roller Coaster, for sure... But Today is a beautiful Day So trying to find the brighter side of things...
Little "Belly Nervous" about this weekend tho... many that know me know that my Neice & Nephew moved FAR From me, and have been gone since last July.... So I have been crazy missing them, and since there mom is an Addict/Acoholic she hasn't been kind enough to return ANY of my phone calls and I haven't spoken to the kids since My Birthday Christmas DAY!!! Soooo
Saturday... I get to drive me Abrother & His AGirl Friend to the Airport which is 3 hours Away, so that he can fly down get his kids and bring them home :D I am SUPER Excited about them coming home for the Summer... I am just really nervous I guess.. This will be the 1st time that My Abrother was their Soul Care for any length of time, and tho I know he is a good Daddy (When not Drunk) I know that he can be "Our" Afather when he is... (Yellings, bitchy, Hungover).... I know i didn't cause... it can't cure it... and cant control it... But it still gives me butterfly's to think of whats ahead... I so want them to be happy here, and enjoy the little time they have here.... Just nervous I guess...
Plus being in a Truck with the two of them (Bro & Women) alone with him 4 hours her 7hours could possible give me an AWESOME time to work my program, because I am goin to have to remember the hole (None Of My Business) (STOP) (THINK) (SHUT UP).... So that also has me a edgie as well...
I have been praying and reading, and praying some more, that i Let Go & Let God, and Stay out of my Usual.. "Brother Don't Be an Ass, Grow Up, Get a Life" Speaches...Going to be tough tho... He Almost at times I think Enjoys me Wiggin Out... Like he taunts it, to see what i am Really thinking..(his Regret doesn't come till AFTER I Loose my Mind). and that is when I usually get myself in to trouble... I guess I still see him as My Baby brother and not a 30 year old Man... Well Mostly because he Never acts like One!!! And of course MY NEED to "Mother Him & Try to Control"...Really isn't much help either.... ;(
Dang do I Sooo Need this Program... I am Praying that I can get to the local Friday Night F2F Meeting, that way I will have Good Mo-Jo Going into Saturday Mornin...
My Husband already started with "Well Is he giving you Gas Money?, Is He Buying his Own Food? Is He ? Is He ? and I told him it was time for HIM to Mind his Own Business... I knew going in to this that Most Likely "He Wont!" Expectations are at a Minnium... He has said "Thank You" already several times and that was MORE then I was Expecting.. .So I'm Good!!! Plus I Told him already I would Treat Him to a Good Lunch, Which I'm Happy to do, just cause we really don't spend much time together...
So its kinda like I'm Excited for the time with My Abrother, but I'm Nervous/Anxious at the Same time...
Do I sound Crazy ? I feel like a Child even Worring about it, but it does have me Sleep Deprived due to the Thought of an "Entire Day" OUT of my Comfort Zone!!
So Currantly I am Living in the Just for Today/ Just for this Moment... Trying Depirately to Survive, my own Inner Demons, while not trying to Project (Not Working:( what this weekend brings...
Sorry for the Babble, just feeling out of sorts STILL... Prayin it Soon Passes... Before it drives me Nuts...
Thanks for Listening... Love & Prayers
Jozie
PS... If anyone knows ANY Sloagans/Tools that will help me work my Program on Saturday.. PLEASE SHARE THEM... Thanks SO Much :)
Yippee kids for the summer aswsome , why would u not be concerned they are going to be living with a practicing alcoholic . are the kids old enough to know and understand that they can call you for help if dad gets abusive or they feel unsafe ? and are u close enough to get them ? Enjoy the kids , spoil em rotten that why we have them isn't it ? Projecting really spoils alot of days for me half of what I worried about never happened . How about JUST FOR TODAY , I made up my own just for todays , like just for today i will enjoy what is , Just for today I will enjoy my sons ,Just for today I will not worry about tomorrow . Make up a new one every day and make it a blue print for the day .. it works
Wish Me Luck Peeps ;) I am Heading Out and Sayin My Serenity Prayer and I'm may just paste it on the dash :) Thanks for all your Support Means so Much :)
