Oh good grief the floodgates have released and I can't stop them, please excuse my stuffed up typing. For the last couple weeks I have felt different but had no idea why. I look at my posts and I notice changes, more freedom in writing about specifics, my regrets, what I would do different. Whether for the better or worse they have changed some. And my thoughts are different although I can not explain how they are different, they just are.

I read something Deb wrote to me about "no matter what you just keep going" (and no Deb you did not make me cry and even if you had it is a very very good thing I think LOL) it made me laugh and I replied back. Then about an hour ago I realised that this is the first time in many years someone has made that type of comment to me that my initial thought reaction was not regret or a thought of .. Oh there is more you don't know ... or even anything on the order of yeah that <edit> my xAh, friend, family member or bad day. I'm not sure if the bursting into tears is from relief, stress release, fear of change or grief of hopefully losing a bad habit. All I do know is I am really glad it is late on my day off and nobody is here besides me and the moostiff cause if they were trying to figure out why I am crying one minute and then grinning like the cheshire cat the next the only logical conclusion would probably be that I needed some serious help

Jen

PS now that I can see a little bit again ... the moostiff is staring at me panting in an odd way, kind of like he is waiting to see how I will entertain him next.

-- Edited by Jennifer on Tuesday 8th of June 2010 01:55:24 AM