Hi Everyone,
my A had a little slip about a week ago he bought 8 cans of beer and drank one.  Spent all night in the flat alone fighting the urge to drink his AA head will no longer let him try and escape through drink.  He was honest with me and his sponsor.  I told him I needed a break.  I had said after the last slip I would not be around active drinking. 

Its been a week since we have spoken and I am feeling lots of different emotions.
I am trying to put the focus on myself.  I have no feelings of hate or blame I can see reality.  My partner is very sick and is fighting this the best he can, I do respect him so much for this.

Since I have had this little space I am again seeing how ill I have become and was before I even me him.  My will loves my A and wants a happy ending.  But in reality I can see we need to be seperate to heal and grow before we could contemplate a relationship.  I miss him so much but my gut tells me this is what we both need.

I can not worry if he will make it, I find myself projecting into the future hoping that I will be at AA and al anon gathering sharing how we beat our sicknesses through the programme and have managed to save our relationship.  My brain has been running riot.

Now though I realise I have to just focus on my recovery and leave him to his.  If it is GOD's will we will be together, if not I will recover and be happy anyway.

I am doing my Fourth step using the blue print to progress.  I am going to try and through myself into the three middle steps 456.

I think its about time I start to really put in some foot  work.

thanks for listening

-- Edited by Tracy on Sunday 6th of June 2010 06:33:41 AM