The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been much better since my "crisis again" post I started here a few days ago. I think the reality is catching up with me.
Me and my alcoholic ex/girlfriend used to talk on Skype in the past and sometimes chat. Today I opened Skype and looked at some of our old conversations. I was shocked by what I saw.
In October 2008 I found another period where she doubted if we should be in a relationship or not. She asked for time and space and my replies was;
What do you mean? Do you want a break? Are you breaking up? I don't do breaks! You must explain what you mean to me! I am confused.
Then;
I can give you space and time, tell me what to do, can we not speak on phone or just not see each other, what do you mean!?
I'm just going on and on... I didn't give her much space at all. I was so wrapped up in my own thinking and feeling sorry for myself.
I used to do this. Whenever she said something I did not like I tried to change the outcome. I would repeat myself or change the way I said things (just in case she didn't understand) and go on and on.
I hate this. I hate to see how useless everything was. It is the reality, but didn't fit the reality I remembered.
So we have probably gone in bad circles for at least half of our relationship. I'm starting to believe that we are best off without each other. I don't like it, but I can be true.
When I read posts here at this forum I sometimes relate most to the alcoholic in your stories.
Back to revising. Ah, these exams never end!
But I am grateful to be here, I slept very well last night, and today alone is not that scary.
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If we try to judge another person using ourselves as a reference, we forget that we are all different. Where is the justice in that?
Hey Cosmos.....thanks for your post ...it is bringing up alot of memories for me when I was in a relationship with my ex a/addict b/f. The one thing that clearly disturbed me when it was over (and during) was the heartbreak I felt. I knew without a doubt that this person was clearly messed up and the future was more than bleak with the person. More importantly, not being happy while I was in the relationship and never feeling secure or safe in it yet so "attached" . When it was over I was haunted with wondering why I still felt this way, so heartbroken. My needs were never met and and it was always about him. I often felt like a starving person looking for a crumb,which was hard to admit as it made me feel positively pathetci. I was expecting things from a person that clearly didnt have them to give. we were not together yet i was still so emotionally attached and couldnt seem to work thru my feelings as to why. Then it hit me...this relationship caused me to grieve every loss and disappointment in my entire life. It was the icing on the cake so to speak with all the abandonment issues that lurked within me.
DreamXL it's seems like you know completely how I'm feeling. This is really helpful to me.
At the moment I'm feeling good. I have just been on the phone to another member in Al-Anon. It's amazing how that works! It's completely different than when I talk to friends about my problems. It's great because then my friends don't have to hear so much of my moaning, and I can talk to my Al-Anon friends that really understands me and that say the right things. (Not what I want hear always, but what I need to hear)
I have to be honest and say that when I looked at my conversations with my ex-girlfriend from the past I was looking for evidence that things was perfect, lol. There are no such evidence.
I'm going to get better and let go of my feeling of being incomplete. One day at the time. I have to keep repeating that to myself. One day at the time.
There is ups and downs in my emotions, but I can see that the trend is that I am getting better a little by little.
My friend from Al-Anon just said to me that tomorrow never comes. I did not understand in the beginning, but then he said; "Tomorrow is Monday, but tomorrow, the meaning of the word will be Tuesday". Maybe a weird thing to think, but it helped. It makes me think that the future is not written and whatever I project, the reality is going to be different and I have to adapt to it.
So what can I do to reduce the difference between my "projected future" and the real one? It is usually this difference that hurts. The only solution I see, is to prevent myself from projecting, take the future for what it is, when I catch up with it, and make the best out of it.
Thank you for being here.
Are
-- Edited by Cosmos on Sunday 6th of June 2010 09:52:24 AM
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If we try to judge another person using ourselves as a reference, we forget that we are all different. Where is the justice in that?
Yes I have been to a few on-line meetings. I can only attend the first one since the second is at night-time where I am. It would probably be a good idea of me to put of time for these. Will try to be there tomorrow
I have also joined the chat outside meetings and found that helpful. It's good to know that in one way or another I can always find people that have similar experiences as myself. It's up to me to make use of that and it's up to me to get better.
I do hope that the next time I feel a strong urge to do something I deep down know is against the program, I will contact another member instead of acting out on whatever it is.
Thanks for being here
Are
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If we try to judge another person using ourselves as a reference, we forget that we are all different. Where is the justice in that?
"When I read posts here at this forum I sometimes relate most to the alcoholic in your stories"
I totally relate to your post and that comment......
I too have talked and talked and tried to change the outcome of things....and you know what else, like your comment above, I realize that while I'm not an alcoholic...I am an addict....I've been addicted to my A....and i can't seem to shake the addiction....I never thought you could be addicted to a human being....
.