The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My a boyfriend and I got into a huge fight that started over my 15yr old son being diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder and the fact that my boyfriend (not my son's real dad) doesn't believe it exists so I feel he gives me no support that is how are fight started, it ended up with him once again telling me what I do that makes my a boyfriend stressed out, issues I have to work on and I am selfish and crazy too! But as I try to explain to him why I have the attitude I have (not feeling supported, loved and I feel he listens to me but doesn't hear what I am saying) and I'm doing this pretty calmly he's spouting off 'xxxx' that doesn't even sound normal! Like when he is drinking and he hadn't been. I love being home and taking care of my kids (although not always easy) and he tells me " even though you tell people that you like to take care of others and poeple think that you enjoy it the only reason you do it is because you have to" he also told me I don't like to clean the house the only reason I do it is because it irritates me when it's dirty! What the hell is that? My house isn't spotless but I would never be embarrased to have someone just pop in and I don't mind cleaning the house however I can think of many other things I'd rather do! Just like there are many other things he would rather do than go to work! And I'm the crazy one!!!! It had been an emotionally horrible day for me and I can't wait till tommorrow!!
-- Edited by canadianguy on Thursday 3rd of June 2010 10:43:53 PM
__________________
You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.
Sounds like a bad day....sorry but i had to chuckle at the house cleaning part...it just reminded me so much of my A. On Mothers day he left me to go spend the whole day with his mother and he tried to convince me to take our son because she had more of a right to spend the day with him than i did....even though i gave birth to him. lol. Some times they say the craziest things and i don't know about you but sometimes i can't help but laugh out loud. ....one of the latest is he's going to sue me on Judge Judy...haha. Anyway..just remember that you are the one who is sane and working to stay that way. Your son deserves your support and you shouldn't be feeling bad about yourself right now just for being a good, supportive mom. I too have had a rough day and it's day 5 of being alone. Maybe it's the planets or something. Try to get some rest and wake up with a fresh mind and your wits...stay strong. Hope i made you feel a little better :)
Is your boyfriend currently working a program? My bf is in treatment and when I am having a bad day or he does something that hurts or upsets me he tells me only I have the control of how I feel that he can not make me feel a certain way unless I allow it. Funny thing is I am also told I am the cause of his overwhelming stress, so I in turn came him his own AA advice. Told him I can only cause him stress if he allows me to cause him stress, he has the control and it's not my fault as he tells me.
As for the housecleaning.....does anyone enjoy cleaning the house? I certainly don't but I can't afford a maid and I don't have kids LOL
I'm sorry you're having a bad day but just remember tomorrow is a new day and a chance for a fresh start
No he is not in a program he is not even trying to get sober, he doesn't drink when he has to work so most of his drinking is done on the weekends when he isn't doing overtime. He has never behaved that way when he wasn't drinking so I was kind of surprised, I don't listen to him when he has been drinking I guess now I'm gonna have to stop listening to him when he isn't drinking but sounds like he has! Pretty soon I won't have to listen to him at all becuase he will sound like this all the time! I did laugh though when I was telling my mom about it and she did say it's the dry drunk syndrome same kind of thinking with him only he hasn't had a drink. My mom said my dad (was an alcoholic for 15 yrs) did the same thing before he started the program. Thanks guys I do feel better this morning! Stay sane!!
Holly
__________________
You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.
Holly, it sounds to me as if you are attempting to defend yourself against his tirades and accusations. Stop! Never, never put yourself in that position....with anyone! Better to say something like, "You are probably right." This response leaves him off guard. Then you are in a better place.
As far as the ODD is concerned, I lump it with the multitude of other acronyms that give excuse for errant behavior. Sorry...I am with bf on this one: I don't buy it.
Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
As for the fight we had like I said he had never acted like that sober so now I know, as for the ODD diagnosis, when you've never lived with somone having this disorder or any other disorders that are out there you don't really get it.......it's not just errogant behavior there is so much more that goes along with it, and this has been going on for years with nor resolve with different approches of discapine etc. just like personality disorders and depression the connection upstairs and the chemical balance is off. Before you respond to such things maybe you should do some research or not respond at all. I hate black and white attitudes because there is so much grey that is being missed.
__________________
You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.
