I understand what your saying and what your going thru. I was with the xah for 26 years. We both worked our rumps off, we accumulated a a couple of homes, vacations and a good life style, but somewhere along the way Maresie, we got on a different page. Today, Im losing the condo , thank goodness for my social security, I will get a couple of pensions and I will be fine in an apartment. I am grateful for my sanity and the fact that I do not have an addiction.

The disease progressed and the last 6 years of the marriage was like a tornado. When all the shit hit the fan as they say, I was angry, resentful and wanted my 26 years back. We finally parted 2 years ago as I still watched him destroy what he had left of his life. He certainly was on a downward spiral. When I oberved all this suffering I got to see that my suffering was nothing compared to what the Alcoholic was going thru. He was close to death a few times. (By the way he is finally sober, a miracle in itself.)

My point is, where he was coming from is from his disease. We are the lucky ones, we get to choose if we want to be sucked down into the spiral with the A. they the a, will give up anything for their lover, "the bottle" or whatever else they are addicted too. Nothing else matters, it takes us a long time for this to sink in as we still have our logic in tact. In short they are insane. I would rather stay sane thank you , then to experience the fall out of a drinker. I really dont need to understand much more than that. Much strength and happiness to you. I am so grateful for the support of this program and my HP. Luv, Bettina

-- Edited by Bettina on Thursday 3rd of June 2010 06:17:24 PM

maresie wrote:

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.  i can stay there for a long time and never get back to the business of moving on with my life.  For some reason I have to try to comprehend where he was coming from in order to destroy everything we worked for, cherished and more.

Mareise.

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Hi Maresie  I am so sorry I could not access the web site you posted but I can understand the desire to comprehend  how someone can destroy everything that was worked for and cheirshed.  The only anser that made sese to me is that ithis is a dreadful disease that is cunning baffaling and powerful.  Even though I had been in alanon for many years and knew I was powerless over this disease when my son relasped after 14 years in AA I tried to force AA and Rehabs to be powerful enough to fix this problem .  He loved his Life, HIs house, truck, race car, girlfriend  and job .  He lost them all including his life at age 41.  His bottom was death and I still am grateful for the many years of soberity he enjoyed  and know that this disease is deadly.

I do know that reading biographies from alcoholics and addicts makes me understand the insidiousness of the disease.  I think what I also have to work on is how I got stuck on the spiral too.  I certainly knew I was going down and like him I could not stop until I surrendered on many levels.

Maresie.