The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When my AH was wooing me, then we married, all we went thru with his brain surgery, my mothers cancer and death,I would never imagined I would be taking back my other name.
I take in the last papers today. June 15, 10, the judge signs them.
We were only married a small time, however we loved each other and were in each others lives, a lifetime, High school, Viet Nam, had a son...
I don't even remember what it was like to feel loved, have a man in my bed and someone to be my other half. Am back to my familiar of living alone with my animals and home.
Two times the reality,"again" of how dead and he is nowhere in that body, hit me when he sent the papers back and I saw his writing. His writing is the same, why isn't his heart? (he woke up from brain surgery damaged, was not him anymore)
The next time was I hear a song and there was his voice. He was in a band, played slide guitar, acoustic, electric,12 string.
I am still grieving the boy I grew up with some. Most the time he is nowhere in my mind. After him hurting our son so badly, I would not want him back even if they could cure addiction.
Why does my stomach hurt.....geez
So thank you for listening. Been having LOTS of serenity, and happiness lately so this is just a bump in my path.
It is life now without him in it. Sad it is a disease he carries around that killed "us."
continuing down my path with two horses, llama, sheep, pot pigs, pony,dogs,cats, toroises, turtle, turkey, chickens and Reeba Parrot yelling at everyone, "GET out of there!"
I am still grieving the boy I grew up with some. Most the time he is continuing down my path with two horses, llama, sheep, pot pigs, pony,dogs,cats, toroises, turtle, turkey, chickens and Reeba Parrot yelling at everyone, "GET out of there!"
HI Lyndebi
I understand the grief you are feeling and so respect the actions you are taking to validate yourself.
So very glad that you are surrounded by the love of that wonderful little family mentioned above . I would especially love having Reeba with me on my walks around NYC I simply need to "practice"my program with more intensity.
I can relate very much to the grief journey you express. Before my AH passed from this earth, I was also mourning the loss of the man I fell in love with. Not just the man, the relationship, the intimacy, the growing old together. We always thought we'd grow old together, and be that funny old couple who've been together too long, bitching and moaning about each other (with all good intent).
Not sure if you have read the al-anon book called "Transforming Our Losses" or something like that. I found it very helpful when I was grieving the loss of the promise.
I always enjoy your posts. Even when things don't go well you have this positivity. I admire that.
Sounds like you have a 'farmville' at home. That is so great but I know a lot of work too.
Thank you for your replies to my posts. They helped.
I know a lot of times when I feel alone I talk to my youngest cat. He always follows me around anyway so he has had to listen to me vent many times too. Then I realize I'm not really alone. That kitty cares so much about me and is so loveable and sweet, even when I'm not.
Guess it's his way of telling me you're not alone, don't forget about me.
I know this is not the same as having a loved one around but it does comfort me a lot.
PS: I just can't get over that adorable pic of your pig. Love it.
ehhhhh RRRRRRR Whoever is in my almost ex ah's body is not very bright.
He has messed up the papers so many times. All he has to do is sign them but he manages to do something wrong. I had to redo my last ones again.
NOW when I thought he finally go it right, he send the copies NOT the originals. I only have about 10 days to get them in.
He used to be so smart. If he did not know he would ask, well ask me anyway. He had this thing about not wanting to appear stupid. I totally do not care if I am! lol I am me that is all I know.
so there is my vent. I left a message with his counselor.
One day at a time....thanks for all the support you all, debilyn
I simply need to "practice"my program with more intensity.
