The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I told my A mom a couple of weeks ago that I need some time and she needs to start counceling again before I can talk with her. She's been verbally abusive to me for the past month and a half. She just called me twice today. I didn't answer. The msg she left was a lie about her conversation with my brother-I talked to him and a caregiver. I have only responded to her emails in regards to questions about my brother who is one of the reasons we are having problems. He is near me and far from her and is unable to care for himself from an accident 22 yrs ago. Anyway-the calls and emails to me are just stressing me out. I had to step away from the negativity because it was making me ill physically and mentally. I appreciate this board. It's a place I can come and share and also learn from others. Thank you
As hard as it is you need to see the negativity as the disease talking. It is so hard to remember that sometimes but you need to think about it for your own sanity. From what i've learned from my A he tends to make me feel worse about myself when he's feeling bad about himself...if he feels guilty he wants me to feel guilty..and that goes with every emotion they are having. It is so mind baffling and we just have to do whatever it takes to deal with it until the initial shock of whatever they have said/done is over. Stay strong and believe in yourself!!
I am working on myself but I can't believe how mean she can be. I am a good person. I love my family, take care of everyone. I have never done anything like this for myself-told her it's was getting to be too much to handle all the horrible things she was saying to me and about my dad. Ok, I am 44. My parents divorced when I was 18, bro was 15 and he stayed with dad. I was out.
Mom had been saying I am her best friend until I recently decided not to side with her about my brother. Then everyone hated her and was against her and everything turned so negative. Now she want us to get over it. I have gotten over it in the past but this time it hurt too much. I asked for time and for her to get help.
I know I have to do this. I am feeling better physically and mentally. Just wish she would trust I me to take care of my brother like I have since I was 11. Btw-I don't think she was drinking when I was in HS. Didn't start until 22 yrs ago, after bro's accident and alot in the past 10 yrs, and mostly the past 5 yrs. Thank you for listening
Sounds like she needs help...unfortunately you can't make her get it. All you can do is help yourself and your brother. From what you have said it sounds to me like you are doing the right thing. Keep up the great work!!
Thank you for your support and replies. Got another email from her last night saying "guess you are still thinking" Love mom. She had sent one earlier in the week saying to think about it...we have given you so much money and support all these years. (BTW I have never asked anyone for money-I'd rather not eat). Why does it matter. I thought it was out of love. Oh well-I am not responding even though I want to. I want to know if she has done what I have asked, gone to counseling. Thanks for being there
