The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A has been sober this time around for 2 weeks...he has been sober on and off since January. The benders only last a couple of days and then he comes around. Everytime he relapses i kick him out. His most recent relapse was mothers day and again he got the boot. His last use was that day. He wanted to come home but i wouldn't let him...last weekend we spent the weekend together camping with the boy scouts for my son who is close with him. We had a great weekend as a family...when we got home from camping he kind of never left and this last week has been great. We got along and had a lot of fun and the love was totally there. Tonight i told him that i still wasn't ready for him to come home...he needed to have some sobriety under his belt and he had to earn some trust back...so he just left. I feel like it was the right choice but it just seems weird that he hasn't been using or done anything wrong. I am so afraid of losing him but i'm trying to do what is going to make me happy too. I also can't risk the kids going through another relapse again. He is working the program really good, goes to a meeting almost every day so i'm hoping this is it. I'm not sure if telling him to go was the right decision...i'm literally torn right in half. Input would be great!!
Soxfan, nobody can tell you what you should feel or if your decision is right or wrong , its totally up to you. I understand the ups and downs of being married to an A, the promises, the disapointments, and everything that goes with it.
If your husband is sincere in his program, it wont matter what you do. He has to get sober for himself and then his family and then he has to stay sober.
Lots of members have to realize that the As first step is getting to an AA meeting, working their program and staying sober is the most difficult part. You in your infinite wisdom feel that its not time yet. This program is for you and if you dont feel comfortable yet, Im glad you had the courage to take the action.
Keep coming back, your doing great and it sounds like your A is trying . Thats part of the battle the wanting to get sober. They say in AA "you gotta wanna."
I think whenever you listen to your gut, you are doing the right thing. I am an RN, and in my job, whenever I dismiss the gut feeling, I am proved wrong! So, after many years of being an RN, the gut feeling seems to be right on 100% of the time. It is harder for me, when it has to do with my own life, but if I really listen, it is there. You did the right thing. If your gut told you he needed to go, he did. Hugs. We are all going through the same thing here. It's nice to have found this board.
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Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
You did what was right for you and your kids, don't second guess yourself. You put the ball in his court. You put a boundary in force to protect you and your senerity. Now it's his choice.... alcohol or his family and kids. It seems like such an easy choice but he is fighting a powerful foe, one that takes control of the mind, body and spirit. The disease wins far more battles than it loses.....that's why it is best described as cunning, baffling, and powerful. I pray he is able to win the battle and pick his family over the disease.
Reguardless of his choice, now is the time for you to start taking care of yourself first, if you don't you will not be able to take care of those beautiful children. Get involved in f2f Al-Anon meetings where you will find caring and understanding people who will have the ES&H you need......you will find a new family there ....just like you found one here.
When you are here or in the Al-Anon program you are never alone. What a great feeling.
HUGS to you and the children, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Saturday 29th of May 2010 10:49:23 PM
It is a great feeling!!! Reading what everyone else is going through helps me feel more connected here. I feel in my gut that i did the right thing and i agree your gut is almost always right. I'm just a little sad because i'm always telling my active addict to leave and tonight i told the sober man i love to leave. It's a little harder to do because their is no immediate anger behind that demand.
There is nothing wrong with asking for alittle space if he is serious it wont interfere with his sobriety. I assume u arent going to Al-Anon meetings for yourself .. please find some meetings in your area , the alcoholic is not the only one who has to change .. I was told an alcoholic dosent have a hope in hell of staying sober going home to an old idea , I was the old idea . Like it or not we have a part in this mess and I had to take responsibility for my part and clean up my act . Neither program promises to save marriages but with both of u working your own program u have a chance . * just my opinion* Louise
You did what was in the best interest of you and your family. That's what you're suppose to do. Redcovery is about taking back our life and living the life we so richly deserve. It's taking no prisoners. My A was a chronic relapser, until there was no relapse anymore.
The best thing you can do for his recovery is to turn his recovery and him over to his HP. You concentrate on yours. The dynamics of a sober relationship vs. an active one is very different. When my A was sober I found that I needed Alanon even more. While this place is a great place to come and it saved me, nothing can beat a face to face meeting. Knowing that you are not alone in the area you live is a great feeling. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thank you both, it kind of gave me the reassurance that i needed. I have got to start going to al-anon meetings and i think i'm going to make it a definate goal for this week. Thank you all for the kind words!!
