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haven't logged on or posted in a long time, me and my ah have been working on putting our lives back together. things have improved with him and the twins, but the drinking hasn't stopped and some days he drinks more than usual. tonight he got mad because i choose to go watch our son play 7/7 football and didn't come home to cook him anything to eat, so once again he sent me a nasty text message and when i got home he wasn't there. I am sure he is sleeping at his shop. it is frustrating for me, he is sooooo selfish, i have been at home and cooked dinner for weeks, he could have joined me at the games, but choose not too. am i missing something here?? after i got that text message, it made me feel like i had to gather my stuff and rush home. but i didn't, instead i dreaded the attitude and yelling and screaming i was going to have to deal with, but was relived when i got home and he wasn't here. i know i am not perfect, have my share of faults, but i just don't understand why he continuely refuses to support of children in their activties. just about the time i think things will work out, as he makes me feel "I 'xxxx' up again" .... but you know what i am not soooo sure it's me. Thanks for letting me vent, welcome any advice. God Bless.....
-- Edited by canadianguy on Thursday 27th of May 2010 10:46:17 PM
It's really hard to make "sense out of nonsense", and your post brings me back to the days where I was soooo frustrated with my A, and my wise old sponsor asked me: "why do you expect a sick and irrational person to act in healthy and rational ways?". He also had the gem of a reminder - when dealing with your active A, try seeing them with a large 'SSS' stamp on their forehead, which stands for "sick, sick, sick"
Why does he do this stuff? Cuz he is an alcoholic.... I'm afraid that is the undeniable truth.
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Ah (((((Searching))))) it is soooo difficult being married to royalty...LOL especially when it is "King" sized. Actually when there is no program of recovery the posts read so much like a report on a naughty, selfish child. Bleah!! Glad you came home with it where you are love and supported unconditionally. You have read what we do in Al-Anon...might you be trying the same things also? (((((hugs)))))
Your post is de javue for me , one of the best things someone ever told me was to please myself then at least one of us would be happy . You cannot please a practicing alcoholic nothingis ever good enough , fast enough or the right color when your done . its the nature of the disease .. alcoholics are very selfish people dont like anything that takes the focus off thier needs . too bad I am with you kids first .. king baby can grow up .
Don't ever 2nd guess yourself when it comes to dealing with the "A". Your gut feeling is right. There demands are unreasonable and they act like they are entitled when it comes to us, the spouse. I dont know where it comes from, perhaps it is their endless pit of insecurity to keep on proving our love, because they really hate us for caring. Who knows, does it matter.
What matters is you and your children, they will use anything and anybody to keep us off balance.
Just keep coming back and use the tools of this program to strengthen you and stay close to your HP and you will see the miracles that you deserve.
Big hugs. Please do NOT feel back about yourself . . . please. He is a grown boy, you are not his mommy, he can cook for himself or find another way to get food.
You were doing the admirable, right thing. Being a good parent. That trumps everything. It is frustrating and feeling that way is understandable, but please don't let the guilt creep in. He was totally off the mark, acting like a child, and that is his problem, not yours. Please don't own it.
It is sometimes startling how disconnected from reality active As can be.
tlc
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
You cannot please a practicing alcoholic nothingis ever good enough , fast enough or the right color when your done . its the nature of the disease .. alcoholics are very selfish people dont like anything that takes the focus off thier needs . too bad I am with you kids first .. king baby can grow up .