The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I need to ask how do you move on from the anger and heartache? My husband was sober for almost 2 decades and then fell off the wagon for 18 months. He now has over 100 days sober. His drinking and legal problems which were brought on by his behaviour while drinking has cost us so much emotionally and financially. We have lost our business and livelihood as well as soon to lose our house. I find that our children and myself have been ostracized in our community and school due to his past behaviours. There is no
area of our lives that his drinking did not touch
I sit back and look at the wreckage he caused in 18 months and have no idea how
to rebuild or forgive. I feel like screaming at him and pointing you did this you fix it.
Every day is a struggle to fix and adjust to the new circumstances. I feel horrible
that I wasnt able to protect my children from the things that happened.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated
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A flower has to go through a lot of dirt before it can bloom
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Alanon readings suggest that you focus on taking care of yourself and your children by going to meetings, taking care of your health, and not getting too hungry, angry lonely or tired (HALT) for example. Coming here is a great start!
(((((RS)))))...go ahead outside and scream scream scream and then try to imagine where it was that others have gone to get thru, over, past what it cost us when we were there. some of us didn't have the pleasure of long sobriety time and then many of us know the explosion a relapse causes. They never go back to where they started; they go back to where they left off. Your story is sooo blatantly the definition of alcoholism and the part that describes relapse. "...if the alcoholic were to have a period of sobriety and then return to drinking often times it will be worse than when the started." This is cunning, powerful and baffling disease and I'll be he is going thru the same shock and awe and feelings including guilt and shame as you are.
If you have not yet taken advantage of the Al-Anon Family Groups I suggest that you do immediately for your own peace of mind and serenity. You are not alone in this and should not keep yourself away from the many of the fellowship who know where and what you are going thru on a personal basis. They have stories that you need to listen to.
I don't know how much experience you have in Al-Anon recovery and it doesn't matter the hotline number is in the white pages of your local telephone book and there is either a recording of the meeting places and times or a live voice on the other end of the call. There was a live person on the other end for me just as I couldn't make contact with Help in Emotional Trouble and the Suicide Prevention Center. Make the call and get to a meeting as early as possible. Don't struggle with this alone...you don't have to and there is a way out. You need another way of handling this and Al-Anon has the solutions.
Keep coming back here and leaning on MIP for support until you can stand up and love yourself. (((((hugs)))))
I was once so angry, too. My husband's latest DUI forced him into retirement too soon. Our future plans destroyed, as well as our marriage.
How did I get past the anger? I have read a zillion posts on this board that helped me tremendously. I also have read numerous books on acoholism and have seen a pychologist who is knowledgable about alcoholism. I haven't given Al-anon meetings a try but considering them for maintenance and possibly be there to support others.
It might feel hopeless right now. But hang on and reach out for support. I promise that it gets better.
You are in my prayers. Peace to you and your loved ones
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Very sorry for your troubles. This disease just leaves a path of destruction behind it and takes no prisioners. we are the collateral damage and left to pick up the pieces. I urge you strongly to get to some alanon meetings and if your children are old enough get them to alateen where they will find they are not alone. Blessings to you and your family
by posting here u have already started , welcome , please find Al-Anon meetings for yourself if your not already attending u need support from people who understand exactly what your going thru and trust me u are not the first to find yorself in this situation , u will not be judged in our rooms acceptance is what u will find . There is no reason to point and say u did this to us , he knows that already and it won't make u feel any better about yourself . You are not responsible for your husb behavior so hold your head up and look people in the eye when u see them dont take on the shame of his disease , u are not the reason this happened . HOW DO U MOVE ON FROM THE ANGER ? Al-Anon is how I moved on .learning about the disease * Jerry explained it quite well * taking responsibility for our part in the mess .. I understand the need to hurt the way u have been hurt but it will solve nothing , getting your own program and sponsor talking things out with people who u can trust and who truly understand is only one of the gifts u will find in our program . Don't give up there is always hope . Louise
