The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thank you all for giving me the encouragement I need right now.
My AS has been gone for several days and that can only mean one thing, I don't know where he is but my HP does, I pray I can keep that in my thoughts so that I can go on and do the things that I need to do for my family and myself.
My other son that has Austism needs me, and as Ness pointed out about her grandchild needing a healthy grandmother, my son needs me to be healthy.
I am having a weak moment right now, a very good dose of fear and the "what if's" are running through my head, and my heart is beating a little faster because of the stress. Just coming here is so good for me.
I am so sorry that you are experiencing this uncertainty.
Please keep praying and focusing on today and where you are at the moment. I always found that bad news reached me very quickly and if I had my mind on gratitude, prayer or what I was doing. I could better manage whatever came to be.
When my son who is not A but was a teen was messing with drugs I was scared too. He would "run away." At first I would hunt for him.
After years and he did well in Survival back packing, he told me so many things that made me realize he was ok all that time.
He would see me when I was looking and they (friends he grew up with that I also raised some)run and laugh! strangling comes to mind. haha
Just becuz they were out,they were not using the whole time. They would go to the river, camp and play bongos, guitars and stuff.
I guess I hope to lighten you some by reminding you, he is not using every second nor is he in peril every second. We can hope he has some thought processing going on.
Almost always they are in a group, they watch out for each other. I experienced this at so so many "parties" I went to. I never did drugs but everyone else did. Learned lots.
They are hyper paranoid so they do think of being careful.
I know that feeling you describe.It is when we are at the end of our sanity and our energy. You know what it is OK to pack up and go to the mountains, visit a friend all day, go for a long walk. GET AWAY and get some anti stressors going.
MY life means I never get a day off. But my life is a work of love, my animals. Even good stress ya need days off. My tenants next door watched my animals, I trained to see my daughter and g son for the day! Was such a good day. Exausted, got home at 11:00 at night.
I am sooooooo relaxed, feel really good!One day of love and light with my girl and boy, precious.
We all need time off. Maybe try rafting down a nice river, take food etc. Rafts are not expensive. My kids and I did that lots. You cannot just stop in the middle, You have to go on. It is so healing!
I invite you to find your happiness by giving yourself a day of "away with love."
Oh ((((Dreams)))) I've been there and done that also and one of the many many ESHs given to me over the years came from an early sponsor regarding the "what if"s I use to constantly do. He told me "If you want to keep balance; when you what if you need to what if not also. The first step says I am powerless and when I believe that I admit I don't have the answers or know the truth and that projecting and fortune telling have no value at all in my life and that what iffing needs to be balanced with what if notting. Otherwise...I stay insane. That is not what HP wants for me and now I don't will that for me either.
I am also grateful for this board. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
Wondering where they are and who they are with and if they are ok is the worst...especially since you know they're not doing the same about you. I have spent so much time and energy worrying...and searching. I feel for what you are going through. Be good to yourself and stay busy!! Making you feel better about you will help...even if it feels wrong at first. It's not selfish...you need to do whatever you can to keep your sanity at this point :)
