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I've posted yesterday how my A is threatened by al anon by saying he thinks it is brainwashing me, etc...
I get a text this morning telling me the person he is staying with got drunk last night and came after him.... 2 things came to mind 1) now you know how I feel and 2) your really trying hard to get my attention.... I didn't react and just told him that he needed to speak with his roomate = )
This is just a perfect example (and a point I made earlier on my It's My Birthday post) that this person will do ANYTHING to make me feel bad for him or put that attention (whether bad or good) back on him OR... he is using the fact that our daughter is sick to his benefit to make his way back into our lives.... Either one makes me so disgusted by him it makes me sad and laugh at the same time!
When do they get it? When do they realize "this isn't working anymore" and move on whether it be to get help or just leave me the hell alone?!?!
I was just catching up and reading all these new post and I'm so sickened by this diease... It's almost like I don't have a reaction anymore nothing surprises me!
I hate this diease but I do admire everyone who comes for help it's a huge stepping stone (one that I'm learning) that really does make a difference = ) I hope for the best for EVERY ONE!!!
Thanks for letting me share.....
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Courage is not a roar. Sometimes Courage is the small voice at the end of the day that says "I'll try again tomorrow"
((( Hopeless ))) - you sound so self-aware in your post! Good for you - I absolutely LOVE watching the program work for others. It gives me the inspiration and motivation to want to keep on with my program, one day at a time. :)
When do they get it? I don't know - when they've had enough pain, I guess. I do know that it sounds like YOU are getting it, though! Way to not react - that's hard!
Some never do get it that is the sad fact of this disease........my husband was in 12 rehabs over the course of his recovery...and the disease still ended up taking his life.
What is the answer, most of us have been trying to figure that out for yrs...you just have to let go and let god.....I know it sounds easier than it is...but honestly that's it..you can only control your life and how you live it.
In your last two posts you have referred to "Not Reacting". What a powerful tool, and a wonderful senerity saver. Keep working your program. I love watching success stories.
((((Deana))))...Stay in the program. It seems to be working for you and I can honestly tell you that he will get it maybe not within your expectation, that's not a requirement and everytime you keep yourself from reacting and focusing on "him" he will come closer to getting it. I once simply told my alcoholic the truth; "I can't help you find solutions to your problems" and then I stopped talking and trying. There is a HP and I'm not it... hers or mine. When she was looking for me to solve anything regarding her disease she was looking at the wrong person with the wrong expectation. Everytime I got involved she got worse and not because I got involved but because this is a progressive disease and I have to "get it". Patience and practice are good tools for growth. ((((hugs))))
Thanks = ) I don't take to compliments well but I will grab and hold onto these ones = )
Some days are better then others but I'm getting it....
It's amazing how much this book (getting them sober) is helping me!!! I feel like every chapter is what I'm dealing with at that moment it's mind blowing... I even find myself re-reading a chapter just to remind myself that he is only working the diease and not the program.... After all "he can take care of this himself" how dare I think otherwise, lol...
On a serious note: I really do wish the best for him but he just isn't getting it! I'm "hoping" this episode with the roomate will allow him a sneak peek of the hell he put me through.................. I highly doubt it but it's RIGHT THERE, ya know!!!!
-- Edited by Hopeless on Sunday 16th of May 2010 07:24:37 AM
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Courage is not a roar. Sometimes Courage is the small voice at the end of the day that says "I'll try again tomorrow"
Your ae doing Great :) Way to STOP & THINK before reacting... That was ALWAYS tough for me, I still struggle some but have gotten much better for sure...
Before I lost my Afather to this disease a little over a year ago, I would just "Wig Out" with everything he would throw at me, it always over took Who I was, and what MY Next move was but never seems to affect him one way or another... He still drank, got mouthy, and blamed EVERYONE around him for HIS problems...
I didn't find this program till AFTER he past, but I still have "A's" all around me, I have ASiblings, and have met my own battles with it as well, but this program has really brought me around to a better way of thinking, and boy has it changed my relationship with ALOT of the people in my life... Right after my Dad died I thought my new mission in life was to Now Try & SAVE My Brother... Since the program, I now know the only person I can Save Is Myself, and MY Own Well Being...This program is a life saver & true does "Work If You Work It "
Do hope that you keep coming back and sharing your Journey, We all learn from each other, and that is how we survive ;) So Grateful for such a place to learn & grow
