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I am too nice to people so they try an take advantage of me. Like for instance I am sitting eating my lunch and this guy who works with me ask me to borrow my car. I was shocked that he would even ask me I don't know him that well. So he talked me into driving him to pick some one else lunch. I went and the lunch wasn't even ready. I sat in the car which wasted my lunch time and sat there waiting for him to get his lunch. This person has asked me for money in the past. I called my mom and she told me to stay away from him. That is going to be hard because he works with me. When I got back to my desk I felt the angry of him talking me into taking him to get lunch. There are so many people on his side that he works at and none of them would let him use there car. So he came to me and talked me into driving him.
Another time this girl who I though was a friend ask me one time to use my credict card to pay for a rented car.
There must be something wrong with me because people kepting trying. I am a too trusting person. I have had money taken from my desk a couple of times.
Even guys try and talk me into cheating on my husband. They think that I am going to drop everything I have put in to slept with them. I am just asking myself why am I so trusting.
I been this way since I was a little kid.
I have a problem setting boundaries. I guess I am afaird that if I say no they won't like me. I do something even though I don't want to which isn't right. I have to learn that it is ok to say no and if they don't like me then they don't respect me and I shouldn't really care what they think.
-- Edited by nycbt at 13:18, 2005-07-19
-- Edited by nycbt at 13:56, 2005-07-19
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
you dont need me to tell you jsut cause you been that way since you were a kid you dont have to stay there. i think it more about you want people to care about you and people pleaseing but quess what users will use and they will never care about you they will just use. but we have a balance to help too i dont think we need to get where we never help.
when someone ask you again say let me have min go from the situation take a deep breathe if you pray pray and than come back and make the descssion and remember you have choices you can always change your mind
I am just learning to practice boundries...It's okay to say no. It has become a sense of relief for me in many instances. I don't have to give an excuse, I just say, "I don't think so" "No" "I can't" etc. It's a new found freedom. I have started reading on line about boundries and setting them.
nycbt, It sounds like you know what the problem is, so that's good. Now you just have to act on it. You are right, you ALLOW these people to take advantage. You have total control over these situations. We tend to sign up to be a door mat, but the great part is we don't have to. Remember, NO is a complete sentence. It doesn't even have to follow with an excuse :) Giving yourself a minute is a great idea.. Gather your thoughts, pray and be strong. There's something wonderful about feeling worthy enough to stand up for yourself and "just say no". You can do it!!!!!! Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Ditto to what everyone has said. And you are now aware as to some of the reasons "why" you are too nice. That's a place to dig deeper to find out all the "whys"....
(Sometimes, we want to buy our friends in some form or another.)
Sometimes I want to be nice ...to be liked... or if I think if I give love, I will receive love. If I think I give a favor, one will be returned. The fact of life is............some people are takers and will take and take and take! (With takers, we set ourselves up in this scenario).
Some people are nice.....know the meaning of reciprocating....or what boundaries are....saying "yes'" to us when they mean "yes"...and telling us "no" when they mean "no".
That's where I need to discern the difference ! (Do I know this person well enough? )
Sometimes I trust a person too soon, too much, before they've shown me who they really are.
I had a reputation for years as being too nice and being "Dana Doormat" I would actually be petrified of telling someone no. Especially when it came to work issues, for the last 12 years I've worked in the addict's family business, imagine the scenarios I spin around in my mind over that situation. There got to a point that since I wasn't being paid for overtime anymore, why would they expect me to stay there? duh- And secenarios such as that. This is why when we are outside of work stuff, we rarely socialize with the family.
No is a full sentence. You don't have to explain your reasons for saying it. I remember I had trouble with saying "no" and always felt like a doormat, that I was always doing for everyone else but when I needed something forget it everyone dissappeared. The first time I learned how to say no it was refreshing almost exhilerating. I felt like a human being who was able to voice my real feelings. Stand your ground and say what you feel. It doesn't have to be nasty or rude ... No is enough.
