The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today is my AH's 60th day sober. He is doing very well. I'm very proud of him, he is going to meetings, reading the literature and trying to be true to himself. We are getting along very well. I am apprehensive because soon is will be 3 months and that is usually when he falls off. Last night I had a nightmare about this so I know that it is really bothering me. I'm upping reading my literature, journaling, and started praying many times a day. How can I come to grips with this? (He has no idea that I have been feeling like this). Any suggestions?
You have no control over his recovery....all you can do is accept that what ever he does....work your program and get help for you.
The sad truth of the matter it is a awful disease. It affects the entire family. You are where you need to be...stop waiting for the other shoe to drop you can't control that and all you are doing is making yourself crazy.
Keep working your program remember you are not alone....day by day things will get better.
I will keep you in my prayers, Andrea
-- Edited by Andrea12 on Thursday 6th of May 2010 04:24:34 PM
Sweet Stanley, You are doing just what you need to do. Keep talking about it here and with your f2f groups. By putting it out there and not keeping it in you are helping the obsession not have so much power over you.
We are here for you and many of us have been where you have been.
Keep focusing on you.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
__________________
"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
The first 60 days are difficult. I pray with you that he is working as many of the suggestions of the program as he is able and with the help of a good sponsor and home group. I also pray the same for you. He works his...you work yours with the same commitment and goal...peace of mind and serenity for us.
When I was with my ABF and he was in early sobriety someone in my group suggested I read living with sobriety it is a small read book. I found this really helpful. This disease is for life, they can be sober for 20 years then drink again. It was suggested to me rather than worrying whether he was going to drink again that I try and stay in the day, other wise it was just as bad as when he was drinking. I had a small list by my bed that used to help when my A did have a slip.
It helped me to de personalise the slips. It remimded me he was sick it reminded me he loved me and that it was not personal. That normally the slip happens for a reason just like we have slips and learn from them. To keep the fous on me and use my al anon tools e.g sponsor
I also read alot around fear to help me hope this helps take what you like and leave the rest.
Your worrying about what ( could ) happen in 30 days Are you going to meetings ???
Were about as trasparent as rice paper he knows your watching and counting his days of sobriety. Get your focus off what could happen and remember that regarless of what he does you will be okay . where do u want to be in 30 days ??
Sometimes when I am apprehensive, I remind myself repeatedly that I am powerless over people, places, and things. "People" includes my AH, and "things" includes his recovery. I could easily get sucked into wondering if he's going to have a slip, analyzing his behavior every day to see if it's changed, etc. It does not take much for my disease to take hold. I still have to consciously re-direct my thoughts to the present, and remind myself that worrying about the future robs me of today's joy.
