The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know that God only hands what is felt we can handle, and I know there is a great lesson in what is happening around me currently, however, I am so exausted I don't know that i can take much more in this moment... My back & neck have been stiff with tension for the last 10days...
Day one being the Vewing of my Uncle that last a couple days of course, and then my Other Uncle, has had (2) Brain Surgury's in the last 7 days, My Best friend since High school who has had so many ups and downs in his life, kidney transplant when he was 19, car wrecks, motorcycle acciedence you name it, he's been thru it.. Well just got the call two days again, he has Lukemia Now, they are still running test, he is only about 3 years older then I am, He is a family man, great father & husband yet he doesn't seem to get many breaks... Breaks my heart really, I just Love him so much and feel so bad for him & his family.. growing up in a small town, all my life, really is a blessing to know that i have family that I'm not even related to, but by choice.. His family was that to me..
Then Yesterday my Best Friend of 17 years My Girl... Calls me cryin & here her Mom has had a Massive Stroke, she is pretty much in vegetative state, had to give feeding tube, left side can't move, can't speak, and doc seems to think she will never walk again either... My friend is a Single Mom that had moved her mom into her home to help her, she works 60 hours a week to take care of her morgage, and her boy, and her mom, and this is just knockin the wind out of Her & Me because there is Nothing I can Do... Nothing at all, that I can do that will Help her thru, I keep telling her over & over, I'm Here, Please tell what you need, and I know all she needs is to put it in HP's hands, but Damn thats I tough one, I can't even do it, and it isn't my Mom...
I have been hiding under a Rock most of the week, can't stand my own self, can't stand being in my own skin, I just feel helpless, I mean I know that things happen, and we must except and charge on, but this has been a pretty devistating last 2 weeks, I don't know how much more Mentally & Emotionally My Heart Can Take...
Only blessing "So Far" with all of thee above, is that my Uncle appears currantly to be really getting a relief from his Parkensons Disease, and they are thinking his recovery is moving by faster then inticipated.. So thank you God Above for that, he has been having such a time with it...It will be nice to be able to hug him again...
I know I am rambling, and I'm sorry, but I'm use to feeling useless "at times" but this has just been a bit much, I have been trying all day to focus on the SunShine, and the funny thing is it is currantly beaming off a reflecter off a truck and about blinding me, so It has my attention even now... But I have cried I think anywere from 4-10 times a day for the last week... How do you except the Hurt you feel in your heart when your Loved ones are going thru such "Horrific" things all at one time...
Can't get ahold of it, I keep handing it over, and it keeps filling my heart & eyes with sorrow... Guess i just needed to get it out, off my head for a second, even tho my Heart just can't let it go...
I wish I could give you some type of advice that will make every thing go away but I struggle with the same feelings at times... I just try and focus on appreciating the positives that I do have and try to stop dwelling on the negative (seems like when I dwell on the negative it keeps on smacking me in the face)...
Again I'm so sorry this is all happening to you!
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Courage is not a roar. Sometimes Courage is the small voice at the end of the day that says "I'll try again tomorrow"
I've always seemed to have the bad stuff come in waves and often I feel like I am sinking. I don't see anything wrong with holing up for a while and regrouping.
I know I am in trouble when I am trying to fix things for people and feeling that what I have to offer is not good enough. These days I don't offer my ear, solace and comfort to just anyone. I'm sure you don't either. Your concern, compassion and care for others is a tremendous gift.
I know that the struggles and burdens of life can affect us and get us down. If we live with an A or have an A in our life that even adds enormous stresses that can be too much to bare without trying to take on the burdens of friends and family.
It is important to realize that we are not guaranteed paradise, none of us. Life is a struggle, old age, illness and death are the natural path of life. I know we dont like it to happen to the people that are close to us and whom we love, but just like step one, we are powerless over these events also.
In these times we can only turn to our HP and pray for the best outcome for all situations and all our family and friends. Everyone has their own path and journey and we are all a part of the continous circle of life.
We can even decide to enjoy our life in the midst of all such struggle and pain. Remember to enjoy what there is to enjoy, suffer what there is to suffer and regard both as a fact of life. I wish you strength and courage and wisdom. Luv, Bettina
You are sooo right on Jozie...We are not God and we have one that is greater than ourselves. I've learned to care and turn it all over at the same time. I have not cause it, can't control it and will not cure it. I can best accept it and all of the other parts of my life also. (((((hugs)))))
Feeling worried and sad about things beyond my control is the practice of fear.
I am so sorry that your journey has encountered this very rough patch. I know how painful that can be. Please continue to take care of you and I will keep you and your friends in my prayers.
((((( Jozie ))))) Sorry ur are going throught this right now. Please take extra special good care of yourself and be gentle. I know projecting at times is impossible but try to stay in the moment and deal with what is actually happening ~ our fears make everything so much worse. Go slow and breathe. Keep surrendering to HP, I know it feels like it isnt doing much but I know it helps. Do what you can, not more. Please take care of YOU.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
When it gets overwhelming for me I have to stop and look at it. Most of it is not happening "to me". Of course we care for the people we love, but you don't need to take it all on. It's much more peaceful to offer your love and understanding, realize that these things are not yours and know this too shall pass.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
