The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My H came home drunk early Sunday morning and just verbally abusive. I told him he couldn't come in so he slept in his truck. About 8 AM sunday he came in and was so verbally abusive to me. The name calling, etc was horrible and in front of my 3 and 1 year old.
He ended up punching me in the head and stomach. Monday I filed a PFA to not allow him in the house.
I'm having a hard time right now. Dealing with guilt, worry, anger, no money, his drug abuse, worrying about my kids, finding about infidelity, starting a part time job on monday,
I'm a mess. I'm afraid to leave my house since they haven't been able to serve him yet since they can't find him. He left on sunday.
Plus he took the TV and computer before the police came and then he left so I'm using the computer at my parents and I can't even do an online meeting.
I feel so lost and scared. I've been strong for the kids, but I'm not sleeping or eating and I haven't cried about what I should be crying about.
I had an issue with serving the ex A a temporary restraining order. That is one barrier. If he does come back you can call the police and have them issue an emergency protective order.
I know when the ex A went off on one of his tantrums I always felt absolutely drained upset and abandoned.
Over time working the al anon tools I took back my life.
I don't believe there is anything wrong with you, anyone who is affected by alcohlism is going to have a hard time. The al anon tools of detachment, focusing on our recovery and taking care of ourselves go a long way towards getting your life back.
The ex A who I was with took a lot of stuff when we split up. I had to let go and let God. I was devasted for a long long time. I grieved, got angry, grieved some more, obsessed and gradually after sharing my feelings got better.
I am glad you are here. This board is a great place to come and work on yourself. However you get here, whatever you have to do to get access its worth it.
For me personally I have to concentrate on what I do have rather than what I don't have or what the ex A stole (which was considerable). I also had to stop beating myself up for having had a relationship with him. That relationship bought me to al anon and that relationship with other memebers of al anon and this board has been comforting, supportive and inspiring.
I was literally in your shoes 3 weeks ago so I know actually what you're feeling!!! I went through an emergency PFA then a temporary before I was finally granted one for 6 months with the option to renew...
I know your going through HELL right now but trust me when I say each day gets better when you realize he cannot hurt you anymore! I've probably lost about 15 lbs these last 3 weeks but I'm finally getting better and coming here I realized it's so worth it!
I can't stress to you enough that it takes time and I promise you it gets better!!!
Stay strong and keep coming back the results are AMAZING... YOU don't deserve this...
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Courage is not a roar. Sometimes Courage is the small voice at the end of the day that says "I'll try again tomorrow"
Good for you for taking the necessary steps - I think that, in itself, shows recovery. I haven't ever been in the situation you describe. My exAH was violent and extremely scary, and there were times I feared for my physical safety. I got stuck in too much fear to take any steps, though, so I just froze up and stayed in there for a really long time before I decided I'd had enough. Good for you for standing up for yourself and putting yourself first. I know it's uncharted territory and of course it's daunting. Just hang in there, and lean on your HP and us here all you need to. It really will get better - nothing ever stays the same.
A face to face meeting would be great if you could get to one! You're going through some hurtful times and the best healer is a meeting where people understand and give support.
Christy.
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
You have done the right things for yourself no need to feel guilty , your no ones punching bag and that is something your children just shouldnt have to see , you deserve to be treated better .. and u have already started to take care of yourself by comming here ,perhaps your parents would baby sit your kids while your at a meeting our kids deserve one sane parent . there is help for you contact social services and find out what is available .. your going to be okay time to take care of you and the little ones . I will be thinking of you and the kids and a prayer or two won't hurt either
