The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm being asked to step in and take on a role of responsibility for something that truly is not my responsibility. It is a situation, however, where it may be for the good of someone. I don't want to go into the details of the situation here (saving that for my sponsor.)
Ahh... the Al-Anon in me wants to say "YES! I'll step in and do it! It's for the greater good and helps this person right now! And then I get to look like a selfless hero! WOOHOO for me!"
But the RECOVERING Al-Anon in me is saying, "Wait a minute. Are YOU comfortable with this? Have you thought through the ramifications this will have for YOU and the other person? Maybe you should take a look at the Steps, Traditions and Concepts before you make a decision on this. Remember... we should not do for others what they can do for themselves. Mind your own business. This is NOT your business. It may be better in the long run for this person if you respectfully put your foot down."
I have several days yet before I think I should make up my mind. And thanks to the program, I'm going to think about it a lot, talk to my sponsor and others with knowledge in this area and be sure I'm coming to this meeting informed before I just leap without looking.
Good for you - I really love seeing the program work. It reinforces that, with time and work, we can get better and not find ourselves in the same situations over and over and over. I, too, see the recovery in your post - you can admit honestly why initially the responsibility seems appealing, but look more closely at your motives and the impact whatever it is will have on your life before you make a snap decision.
PAUSE is a good thing. I'm still trying to get the hang of it, and to keep in mind that sometimes, NOT making a decision IS making a decision. :)
You are turning out to be such a rock!! Tonight after sunset I'll turn westward and gaze over Mauna Loa and I just bet I'll be able to see your glow!! (Let that one go to your head...LOL) You get a gold star and your sponsor gets a back atcha lesson. How wonderful. (((((hugs)))))
It's comforting to know that others have been motivated by wanting to look like a "selfless hero"!
Thanks for the reminder to PAUSE and ponder.
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
Yep! It works if you work it! I had my own situation like that recently. My grandmother is in her late 80's and developing Alzheimer's. I am willing to help take her to the doctor, stop in and say hi etc. My Dad recently suggested that I talk to her about getting the down for a house then having her move in with me so I can care for her.
Now this really does sound like good family. I want to care for my family. But she was never interested in being a part of my life up until now. And for that matter the story is she wasn't interested in her son's life nor was he really interested in mine growing up. "Family" really isn't something I grew up with. So now my retired, frequently vacationing father wants me, a single mother, to buy a new home and care for his mother.
I almost bit.
But then I said no. This is my life and I am putting myself first. Lovely thing is, this thought spurred me to "hey, I can buy a house on my own!". Now I am house shopping, getting pre-approved, and found my dream home today. Cross your fingers, I may just get it!
Yes, it is a beautiful thing. . . learning to take care of yourself.
Tricia
-- Edited by tlcate on Sunday 2nd of May 2010 01:02:15 AM
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
