"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

Priscilla83 · Senior Member

That whole dog ordeal

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

He's doing what A's do when they are enmeshed in his disease.... I hope, for your daughter's sake and yours as well, that you can dive into your recovery.... It's really tough - I went through a very similar thing with my ex-AW, but the very best thing you can do is get yourself healthy, and be able to show that healthy love & spirit to your daughter on a daily basis. Her relationship with her Dad is NOT yours to fix or deal with....

All you can really do, is reassure her that she is loved and safe.

I had to have that drilled into my head, a thousand times over, before I finally realized how right my sponsor was on this point.....

Take care
Tom

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Priscilla, sorry to hear that your suffering over this.

Im going to be honest with you. How would a two year old get to be sad because her Daddy is an A, unless you are doing some projecting onto your child. Your child is suffering, because your suffering and she sees you.

Im sorry that he is not being a good Father and thats his misfortune for not being in her life, something that he will have to face at one point. You cannot by any force make him be what you want him to be. Your challenge is to accept where you are and concentrate on your own recovery. That includes not telling your child too much info or seeing you upset all the time. When she is older she can make her own decisions regarding her Father. Addiction is not a moral dillemna, it is a sickness and yes you were right to tell her that her Daddy is sick.

Priscilla, in order for us to get well, we need to take the focus off the A, put it on us. Go to face to face meeting or work the steps and turn to our higher power. Your energy right now is in the wrong place. Working your program and making a positive environment for your child is priority, not the A, he has his own journey, as long as he has you to manipulate and work his craziness he will continue to harass you , just because he can. I wish you strength, courage, hope and wisdom. Luv and hugs, Bettina

Priscilla83 · Senior Member

Thanks guys. I'm much more calm now and my urge to call him has passed. I'm sure though, that my daughter is not sad that her dad is an alcoholic, she's too I don't think he understands what that is. She's sad cause she misses him. She doesn't really express much about him, I was just surprised when she started crying cause I didn't expect her to react in such a strong way to me mentioning him.
I don't think I'm projecting anything on her.

freeagain · Veteran Member

Your little girl has feelings. She was sad so she cried. Isn't that wonderful? Not that she is sad, but that she just expressed her sadness to you in a very healthy way.

And with my kids, when they were young, they didn't dwell on their dad not being there. I did, ofcourse. They would get sad every once in a while and I would reassure them that I loved them and that I wasn't ever going to leave them and that no matter what they did or said I would always be there for them. I didn't feel comfortable telling them their father loved them or wanted to be with them because I don't want them to grow up thinking that is what love looks like.

Abandonment is NOT love no matter if the parent has a disease or not.

I am sorry you and your baby girl are going thru this. It really is awful. I know and I wish you peace and your little girl happiness. Keep coming back, keep venting here rather than towards your ex, keep the focus on her and on you. This too shall pass.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Pris...I'm so sad with your daughter and you and I'm on the verge of a
"reaction" (gotta hide from my sponsor). I wanna cuss also this Efing disease
even takes out children. I watched it many times before and it just sucks bad.
I just might go tantrum for some seconds (it's harder to do for longer periods
of time when you get older) but maybe I just end up doing a "thinking"
tantrum.   Give your daughter a (((((hug))))) from "Uncle" in Hawaii and a little
slogan she can hang on to.

Grrrrrrrr         smile

Hopeless · Senior Member

I know how you feel my daughter assoicates bath time with her daddy (that was their routine)...

I don't know about you but when i feel myself getting stronger I think of my kids and it pulls me back into that slump.. I don't know what makes me angier the fact of what he put me through (the physical and mental abuse) or that he letting this diease take over him being a father?!?! They both make me angry but she didn't ask for this...

Priscilla83 · Senior Member

Thanks guys!!! I love you all very much!

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

Prayers to you and your precious daughter !!!!
I can tell you your husband already feels like xxxx. Most A's do. They are aware of the destruction they leave behind and use thier addiction to escape.
Keep working your program and your daughter will learn from your example
God Bless

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"