The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had ended things with my 41year old ABF and I just couldn't stop thinking of him. I missed him and worried about him drinking. I became a stalker again... making sure he was alright. He is having construction business whoas and with our break up, I worried about him drinking. This past Saturday, as did a Drive by when I finished work, he was in his front yardwith his dog. So, i pulled in... he was drink. should have known. He higged me and said it was great to see me. He invited me in and we talked and cried together. Since Saturday, I know he has had a few beers here and there but has not been drunk (that I am aware of) Anyway, Sunday evening we went for a bike ride together. Monday he went out with a friend and had 4 beers. He called me and was not trashed. Last night was going out with a friend/coworker for sushi. He gave me a hard time. Wanting to know why it is okay for me to go out but not okay for him. I told him I wasnt going to be drinking and drinking is not a problem for me. He just had an attitude and seemed to want to start fighting. Havent heard from him since. By our last conversation, he doesnt get it... he really doesnt think he has a problem. He exhausts me! Just needed to vent... I guess just like an addict... I know he is not good for me but he is hard to quit. How do I get him out of my head and out of my heart? We don't live together, we don't have children together,he is not abusive to me, just himself. I love him and deeply care! I have two teenagers and I know he is not a good influence on for them. I KNOW THIS!!!! So, why can't I just let go??? What is wrong with me...
Aloha Daisy...The suggestions that work from those that have worked them are Al-Anon; literature, meetings, steps, traditions, sponsorship, service and most of all a Power Greater than Daisy and her alcoholic. Otherwise "If nothing changes nothing changes". You do get the picture about your condition and like him you don't get the picture!! Addiction is Addiction is Addiction as just offered by Tom our Canadian Guy on this forum. If you are sick and tired about being sick and tired followup on the suggestions. We will walk thru this with you and can't without you. We will continue to love you until you learn to love yourself. What you're doing to yourself isn't very loving is it? Give Al-Anon a 90 day try. If after 90 days you find that the program isn't for you; you can retrieve you miseries and try something else. What we have works when we work it and I'm not going anywhere else.
I also became a stalker (ugh) and even cause an accident (terrible) doing it. The other party had no clue how it all happened and he had just finished restoring the 65 Mustang "Pony car" that rear ended me. God is this disease cunning powerful and baffling (and God nods yes).
So lets do something different...get to the meeting rooms and focus on the program for a while...no distractions...no stalking. (((((hugs)))))
Try to focus on you for a while. You will stop counting his drinks and worrying about if he's drunk or not, when you understand that: He' is an alcoholic, he will drink, that is what alcoholics do. Period.
Do things for yourself, work the program and at some point, even if the love you feel for him is there, the need to "stalk him" will fade cause you'll experience the glorious peace that comes from detachment. Try it, it works, trust me!! There wasn't (is there at times) a bigger stalker than me. I was like freaking Sherlock Homes honey!! LOL
(((Daisy)))
__________________
Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
