The material presented
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I know that it's been a long time since i've posted anything, but good news my husband has already gone through detox and is going to rehab :). I recently told my husband to get help or get out and he has followed through with getting help. I had enough of him yelling at the kids and putting them down and finally broke and told him that he had to make a decision. He went through his detox which he just hated because he was so bored, but after drinking like he has for seven years, he really only had the shakes thanks to the meds the hospital gave him. He came home last night just for the night till his insurance goes through and it was like having a completely different person home with me, but I was so on edge thinking that he was going to drink everytime he went to do something when I wasn't present. But I know the rehab place will not take him if he has even had one drink and if they don't take him because he has had a drink then I told him that he cannot come home with me. I know in my heart that I cannot handle things if they go back to the way they were. I never thought that being by myself with two kids and no help would be so hard and it's driving me crazy, but I know that this will all be worth it in the end.
My AH just came home from his 28 days. Before I let him unpack, we sat down and I had 10 deal breakers that he had to read, then we discussed, and they had to be agreed upon before he could unpack. I think he finally understands, I'm done. I spent the 28 days here, reading self help books, and doing alot of soul searching. I need to have peace and serenity in my life. I will not tolerate the lies, manipulations, and the insanity one more minute. I totally understand what you are going through. Most people here do. Enjoy your kids, get lots of sleep, and keep coming here. And remember, you are not responsible for him. He is an adult and is responsible for himself. You are is wife, not his mother. Take what you like....
I never thought that being by myself with two kids and no help would be so hard and it's driving me crazy, but I know that this will all be worth it in the end.
Make this 28 days benefit you by not having to deal with the "what, where, WHEN, and why of his diease.. Take advantage of knowing that he is not going to hurt you nor himself, he is in a safe place!!!
I know it's hard I'm there right now (2 kids by myself) but MINUS the stress of his diease makes it all worth it... He was toxic to us and rather then dwell on missing his sober time I'm focusing on not missing the diease...
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Courage is not a roar. Sometimes Courage is the small voice at the end of the day that says "I'll try again tomorrow"
I agree with the others - when my wife was in her treatment center(s), it was probably the best time of my life - no daily stresses, and the weight of her disease was mostly lifted off during that period.... This is a great time for you to embrace YOUR recovery.... His recovery is not likely to be a "straight line", and you are going to need to be engrossed in yours....
Take care, and best of luck
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
28 days to get to meetings , find some support and make new friends , sounds good to me , no one hollering at the kids or you , u can actually watch a tv show u like for a change .. enjoy # I hope your husb is serious about making changes for himself but he is not the only one who has to change , we do too . finding your own program and working on yourself is the best way to support thier efforts at sobriety
Aloha Kellie B!! and welcome to the board. I also see part of what Abbyal has mentioned and it is that part where you don't find that you're alone and that besides MIP there are lots of other spouses and family members who have be deeply negatively affected by someone elses drinking; alcoholism. You can find them, and I'm suggesting, in the face to face meeting rooms of the local Al-Anon Family Groups in your area. Call the hot line number in your local phone book white pages (Al-Anon) and go early. Look over the literature table and get as much as you can and read it all. The sit down in the groups and listen listen listen...with an open mind as to what similar is going on with others there and how they handle it with program. The detox and rehab from alcohol and then a recovery program about alcoholism free is his work. The detox and rehab from the alcoholic and life with an alcoholic is yours. Keep coming back here and help us recover. (((((hugs)))))
I have also heard many people say that when their qualifiers were in rehab or even jail that at least they knew WHERE they were. I can completely relate to that panic feeling of being terrified they are going to drink again... I had to remind myself that there was a very good chance relapse was possible - alcoholics drink - it's a daily fight for them not to pick up a drink so there are good odds that a relapse could occur. I knew I couldn't control it, as much as I obsessed, but I was told to just get busy focusing on myself - the only person I could change. With that being said, I think I had to try to get myself to a place where no matter what happened I could deal with it and be okay - regardless of the choices he made. I tried to set boundaries based on MY needs and what was the next right thing I could do to take care of ME, instead of making boundaries that attempted to control or manipulate his behavior. You're so not alone!!!
