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He wanted me to know that his is 7 days sober (reminder he is a binge drinker and can months without drinking)... He says that he is working the program (which is the first time he has ever been to AA)... And that he wants to see his daughter, he is afraid that she is not going to remember him (she is 21 months old) since it's been almost 2 weeks without seeing him...
As bad as I feel about seeing her I also feel that A will spite me and want control of the situation (if that makes sense)...
I guess I'm torn apart right now because I know not seeing her is KILLING him but I need to be strong.... I'm trying to find this HP and I can't seem to find it right now! I'm easily talked into doing things I do not want to do when it comes to this person... A gets drunk at bars never at home and I know he would never bring her to a bar but I still feel unsafe about him having her?!? I do not feel he will hurt her but I do have that feeling in my gut that he will go out of his way to spite me through her...
I'm so frustrated right now!!!
I don't owe this person anything... He has destroyed me and I'm still not over EVERYTHING he has done to me and my family! I see that my anger is getting in the way of everything... I have a son going through puberty and a daugther going through the terrible two's... I'm trying so hard to keep it together but this resentment consumes me at times... I know I need to go to F2F meetings and I'm trying to find the time... I work full time I'm constantly on the go with since it's baseball season (my 12 year old)... I need time to myself and I'm struggling to find it = ( How am I going to get better... I'm losing myself and it sucks big time = (
Sorry to be such a downer, just not having a good night...
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Courage is not a roar. Sometimes Courage is the small voice at the end of the day that says "I'll try again tomorrow"
I am glad that he is attempting to find sobriety in AA. That is a great step!!
I understand that you have obtained a 6 months "PFA" order from the police department. Ususally in these agreements the requirements of supervised visits are are outlined in detail. I suggest you ask him to read the PFA and contact the police to arrange visitations.
It is of the utmost importance for your own sanity and peace of mind to be able to attend meetings. Until you are able to find a suitable face 2 face I suggest you try the on line meetings here .
Sharing, Living One Day at a Time, Focusing on Ourselves, helps our recovery.
Keeping an open mind regarding a HIgher Power is important. Many people use the rooms of alanon as theri HIger Power in the beginning. These rooms have more tools and power than we have alone.
Sounds like a lot of very serious safety issues, holy cow. His behaviors are not safe, please do not allow him to be with a defenseless child- (yours). I think that if you have custody of the child, the child is included in being near you or your house, don't you think?! Jean
It would probably be best to get a lawyer (if you don't have one already) and get a plan in place for supervised visitation. I would imagine that if that is in place, it would also calm him down about when he's going to see her. Both of you could put the worry aside because you would know, "He is going to see her for two hours of supervised visitation in a week and a half," or whatever the arrangement is. So he will have less cause to pester and you will have less pretext to feel guilt. Everything being up in the air can cause stress.
I also know what you mean about the binge drinking and the "sobriety." My ex was an intermittent binger -- sometime he would go six months without a drink -- and every time he believed and maintained that alcohol had no hold over him because "Look, I'm not drinking." Eventually I figured out that it would always start again. I would have worried even if he had kept up with a program, but he didn't, so I knew he was fooling himself about being sober for good. They can find endless ways to fool themselves. (And sadly, so can we.)
My situation is a bit similar and I just wanted to share an idea with you!
You could try looking into supervised visits. It's a bit harder without a court order and a bit expensive (the one I did find was). That way he can still see the child and you don't have to be present.
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"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
I am going to get a hold of Domestic today to see what my options are... I need something in writing saying he has to have supervised visits, etc, or he will just continue to play mind games with me... He is a very spiteful person so I already know if I tell him to bring her home at a certain time he would go out of his way to do it an hour later = /.....
You're right Mattie, if we having something in place it will give eliminate A LOT of stress on my part and on his (after all I do still support his soberity and "hopefully" since this is his first attempt with AA he will do this)...
Thanks again Ladies!
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Courage is not a roar. Sometimes Courage is the small voice at the end of the day that says "I'll try again tomorrow"
