The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am leaving in about 30 mins. to go over to his house. My stomach is already rumbling with nerves and anxiety. One look at him and I know he will have me. I know for me, the best way is not to see him... but we always do. What will be different? I can already tell you what will happen... We will talk and he will take the spotlight off of him and turn it around on me. I hope I am prepared and strong enough to take it. I need to walk in as a strong person and leave this time knowing I am doing the right thing, no matter how wrong it feels.
Is going over there the best choice? For me, engaging with him is like an alcoholic walking into a bar. Like the alcoholic, I'm saying "I'm strong enough to handle it! I can just walk inside this bar for a moment! No problemo!" But someone really looking to quit would avoid the bar.
The last time I re-engaged with my A, my therapist said, "Sometimes you have to keep opening the box to see if the body is dead."
The trouble with seeing that the body is still dead is the turmoil and pain of all those emotions. Been there done that.
I Agree with mattie, i too am so addicted to my A and have all intentions of being strong. WHY do we go when we know the risks. I ahve been ignoring my ABF's calls for days. Then he txt said he was on his way down. I answered and told him I could not be with him anymore. He started the emtional hooks how he will get better, loves me, will not loose me. But what about me is he good for me? I was sort of o.k when I was not answering the calls now my head is in a spin. I know I need to cold turkey. But it would be hard for the drinker if the drink followed them around. He owes me money I am holding on for this I may have to let it go for my sanity. Am I using this as an excuse so I do not have to end contact totally. I seem to know just like you what is good for me and what I need to do, but doing it is another thing. My sponsor told me to keeping asking myself is this good for me. I can really understand your shares it is so tough to let go. I am going to pray for my Hp to help me make the right choices , we will get there when we are meant to
Daisy you don't really want it to be over. It is easy to see by your post.
You said "one look at him and he will have me." So you just made a self fulfilling prophesy. Someone who is finished gives it no attention, they are finished!
"the best way is not to see him." yet out the door you go.
The disease is pulling you into the pit.
It's no different than saying I am not going to eat cheesecake anymore then going and buying one.
No matter you will be ready when you are. Most everyone has many false goes at it.
We all need to learn how to leave it and how to stay away.
it is so good to know I am not alone... I am addicted to him and feel powerless. He has my heart and is a great person. He is an alcoholic and I love him. However, I can't change him. I have done everything I can. You can't help someone that is in denial. I will certain miss him... but I will do my best to find something to occupy my mind, instead of worrying.
