Progressively worse... - Al-Anon Family Group

Hopeless · Senior Member

Progressively worse...

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I think PFA's are called different things in different places, just as DUI's are. I googled it and found (after Pacific Film Archive and Pediatric Footware Association!) it stands for Protection From Abuse, is that right? In my state they're called something different.

I've definitely read posts from people on these boards who had to get orders of protection, so I'll let some of them speak. I have been very lucky to have a (now ex) A who gets more relaxed rather than angrier when he drinks -- so relaxed that he does things like peeing anywhere in the house, but ...

Hopeless · Senior Member

He pee'd all over the place too = )

And yes it's Protection From Abuse....I thank God every day that I was granted it!!!

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

In Hawaii it is called a TRO. I use to be an Alternatives to Violence mens case
manager and would tell the men to be grateful their families, spouses and other
relationships had the right to get one or else the violence under what ever cause
would escalate beyond unacceptable. It is all unacceptable not matter the perp
or the cause. Alcohol and drug influence is not an acceptable reason for the
behavior. I support your decision to get one and to hold him off beyond arms
length for your very own safety and security no matter how you think he fits.
When and If you get to family court evidence the judge that alcoholism and
abuse is progressive and ongoing in your life as is the violence with it and that
you fear for your own life when he is drinking and out of control. The judge
hopefully will take it from there. Do not hold back on revealing everything that
is and has happened. You will not be there to protect the alcoholic. The
alcoholic has to feel a hard bottom...the harder the better. That is the greatest
kindness you can offer him.

For yourself there are the face to face meetings of the Al-Anon Family Groups.
The hotline number is in the white pages of your local phone book under
Al-Anon. Get the meeting times and places and then get there. Get as much
literature as you can and read it all, your very life may depend on it. Get the
phone numbers of support members in your area and call them when you need
to talk. Get to as many meetings as you can in the next 90 days (what was
suggested to me and followed up on) before reassessing your situation.

Alcohol is a mind and mood altering chemical that isn't about to go away any
time soon.

Keep coming back here (((((hugs))))) smile

lyndebi · ~*Service Worker*~

In Oregon it is called a Restraining Order. I got one when my kids were little. I was not even seeing him at the time! He just came over, lost his temper and trashed my house! If I knew I could, I was young, I would have called the police!

deb

Mandy123 · ~*Service Worker*~

Hopeless,
Have you gone to a f2f meeting yet? I would suggest getting into the alanon program, working the steps and getting a sponsor.

He is going to do whateve he is going to do the question is what are you going to do? Think back to all the time and energy that you have put into worrying about him and what has that gotten you?

Keep coming back and post as you need to :) it's good for you to get it out and I certainly remember the days when I couldn't believe I actually found a safe plae to vent and vented a lot.

Yours in recovery,
Mandy

Hopeless · Senior Member

I haven't gone to F2F yet but am planning on it...

He has ALWAYS done whatever it is he wanted to do = ( I got a PFA that is what I've done so far = / It's a HUGE step for me and each day I feel BETTER and BETTER about the situation...

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.