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To the members that have children with A's... What type of boundaries to you set when it comes to the kids? Does your A have a custody order? How long did you allow the A to not see your kids?
It's my understanding that as long as I have a PFA on him he is not allowed to have ANY contact with me but he can go to court and get visitation for my kids... I want to know what rights I have since he is an acholic? Can I request supervised visits, etc... What are my rights as far as protecting my children...
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Courage is not a roar. Sometimes Courage is the small voice at the end of the day that says "I'll try again tomorrow"
Hopeless, I think it varies a lot by where you live and what your specific situation is. The best thing to do is to consult a lawyer who's familiar with cases in which one parent is an alcoholic. I do have a friend who has been able to mandate only very limited visitation from the unreliable parent. In my own case, my A cooperates (fortunately -- I know how lucky I am). He doesn't admit he's a problem drinker, but when I set limits on the visitation, he goes along with them. I just require that he not drive our son anywhere (he lives within walking distance), and I don't let our son visit if my ex is visibly drunk. Our son is old enough that my ex knows that if they did drive anywhere, word would get back to me (our son would mention it). So there are many paths. Be sure to get a lawyer and advisors who are familiar with alcoholism. I've gotten some really bad advice from well-meaning professionals who didn't understand the problem (for instance, they'd say, "Well, just have him promise not to drink." If that could work, there wouldn't be a problem in the first place!) But this is such a common situation, sadly, that you should be able to find many lawyers in your town who know the ropes.
hi, in oregon we have a program called,"Lawyer Referral." I am not sure if it is a state or Federal Program.
You pay up to $35 for your first consult. It is well worth it! They will make sure you go to the attorney you need. You can call Legal Aid to get direction.
These are very important questions! Good for you for asking.
Yes, supervised visits might be the solution, I did this some years ago, it takes the pressure off and brings reality into the situation as it is illegal to take care of a child while drunk in this country,
I have 4 children with my exAH...together for 20 years. I have a documented notebook of all his hospital, rehab, suicide, DUI's, etc etc, this is a very fat notebook with stuff from every single year for the last 16 years....and it never even got shown in court. Hind site I learned a ton...that i would have been better off going in and looking pathetic without a lawyer. The lawyers did nothing, they didn't care about the alcohol abuse and didn't present the notebook. At the last minute my lawyer turned on me and convinced me that I need to settle and figure out something I'd be willing to deal with and that if I went in front of the judge, he wouldn't care about the alcohol problem, that they allow pedifiles to take their children home. I was scared and lost and had no clue what was going on and I settled. For now, the binge drinker gets his kids on Weds for dinner and Saturdays from 10-5, overnights will start in Nov. of course I can always file a motion before that happens, I've been documenting all that's been going on with his so called visits so far....
Had I gone in and pleaded my case to the judge without a lawyer...the issue would have been addressed, at least in my county. But I didn't know this until after....and only after did I learn that the lawyer knew we didn't have much money and didn't want their time wasted or to be yelled at by the judge for even bringing such a mess into his court room without further investigation on the matter.
Your children are worth fighting for...for their safely, healthwise and mentally...Hope that helps...
Whether a Doctor, a Lawyer, or an Indian Chief...or a drunk, fathers have equal rights to their child in the eyes of the law.
All you can do is try to get supervised visitation, and even if you get it, it would only be temporary.
I had a huge struggle to get supervised visitation, even after henious abuse from my Ex Husband. All he had to do was walk into court with his head down, claim remorse, claim to have gotten help from AA, and claim to have found religion, and claimed to have changed and all was forgotten and forgiven by the judge. I say claim because he admitted right after that it was all a lie, he had never been to AA, never been to church, and wasn't sorry.
Some men willingly go along with your restrictions and demands on visitation without being legally forced, because although they may love their children and want to keep some ties to them, they are not interested in a whole lot of contact since that cramps their style. Others you have to fight tooth and nail through the courts.
Just make your best case legally and let the judge decide, then pray and detach.
Be careful that you follow every single court order for visitation, because some custodial parents have lost custody by trying to enforce restrictions not ordered by the judge. The other parent can claim that the other parent is poisoning their relationship with their child and the courts don't look kindly on that.
The more active a father is in a child's life, the more likely they are to support the child and comply with child support orders. So, the courts want to encourage the child's relationship with the father as much as possible, they don't want the father to become an alienated deadbeat dad, then the child will become dependent on welfare and other social services.
It stinks but those are the facts...
In my case my EX husband simply lost interest in the child when I didn't give in to his demands for access to ME. He would not pay child support, then tell me I can have the money ONLY if I go out to dinner with him and let him give it to me personally. Or he would say he would meet me at the store and then HE would spend that amount on our daughter, to "make sure I spent it on her and not myself". I told him no way, either send the money like the courts said or I would tell the judge. He didn't pay a penny, but didn't visit either, so I let it drop...she doesn't know hiim even today, which is a good thing from our end.
