The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Aloha ((((All)))) Honesty seems to be the asset of focus at the moment and I am (and have for a while) listening for feedback from others in recovery for their perceptions; ESH. I will be grateful. Take your time and keep and open mind with good recovery memory. practice, practice, practice!!
Before you can be an honest person you have to learn to be honest with yourself. my councellor gave me some soul searching questions to ask myself and i laboured long and hard to find the answers over many tears and cups of coffee. Not telling lies is easy. Being truthful to others is easy. Being truthful to yourself is complicated, emotional and hard work. to be completely Honest you have to include yourself which means facing your demons, facing your fears, being able to state your likes and dislikes and to decide what it is that will truly enable you to live your life in peace without fear.
Honesty is something I battle with when it comes to being honest about how I feel. I still fear what other people think though it is slowly melting away. Abandonment is my worst fear.
At the moment I still find myself holding onto a fantasy relationship in my head with someone that I know I cannot be with for my sanity.
I am getting frustrated with not being able to connect completely with my higher power.
Basically, I want it all to happen NOW. I seriously do find it hard to be patient with my own progress/recovery.
So glad I have a sponsor who gently reminds me I must connect before I can delve into my past in step four.
Thanks Jerry for bringing this up.
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Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose.
Honesty and denial. Flip sides to the same coin, 'eh? What is honesty? Sometimes I am not so sure. My head trips me up, my body knows more about honesty than my big brain. I seem to be so completely constructed head to toe to lean into denial about some of the dumbest things...that tire really doesn't look that low, I am not really that hungry, I can wait and do this one thing before going to the bathroom to pee...geesh! constantly undermining myself throughout the day... no wonder I struggle sometimes!! LOL! How about: I care enough about myself to go put some air in my tire so I won't have problems later. OR time to stop and eat something so I feel better. OR go take a pee and do whatever needs to be done after that- its only going to take a minute for gods sake! Bigger stuff: that person didn't really mean to mess with me, I can handle the 20 million additional things my boss just piled up onto me, I can live with a man who just bonked me in head and apologized for it, etc. Or, I feel safe with my (now x) husband who screams at me 24/7 to the point where I cannot look anyone in the eye anymore- it just snowballs and snowballs.
Today, if it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck and acts like a duck, I am pretty sure its a DUCK. THAT is honesty. Great topic, cannot wait to read the others. Jean
HI Jerry I always thought I was an extrememly truthful person and was very judgemental of others that I deemed "untruthful"!!! Imagine my pain when I began workng with my sponser and was asked to "examine my motives in all that I said and did.
WOW what an eye opener. That was where my denial resided. I hide my true motives so deep down within that I was not aware of why I did what I did or said what I said!!
I thought I was kind generous, understanding, unselfish person. My actions and words certainly indicated that but in the depths of my being my motives were very different.. I did everything in order to manipulate and control situations so that I could get what I wanted. I abandoned myself and my beliefs in order to force my will and get what I wanted. The Bible says "Everymanis a liar" I did not believe that but am beginning to understand the process that we deny reality and proceed to try to live in a fantasy world.
In order for me to remain in recovery I must alway examine my motives, keep the focus on myself .
Ayjay......... ESH means experience, strength and hope...
Honesty is a good subject for me. I am very aware that DENIAL stands for Don't Even No I Am Lying I'm not always aware when I am in denial....otherwise I would be able to do something about it
I don't think I am deliberately dishonest I can be TOO willing....my sponsor has told me to practice saying NO
I think for me, being open to the possibility that I MAY be in denial over something helps. I am working at finding balence
I do know that if I keep reading the literature I discover things about my ability to be honest in HP's time and not really my own. Progress not perfection comes to mind
I think our honesty is highly dependent on where we are in our journey to recover. For eaxample;
I honestly believe he has a neuro disorder - he can't be an alcoholic I honestly believe I am able to "help" him get his drinking under control I honestly believe he is unhelpable I honestly believe it's hopeless I honestly believe we are God's children I honestly believe it is out of our control and God has us in His care I honestly believe I can be serene regardless of the actions if the alcoholic
All of these things I have honestly and geniunely believed at different parts of my recovery. My truth is my reality.
I use to think of myself as an honest person. I am not even close. I have been in denial for so long. Self protection I guess. But the veil is slowly coming off.
I lived in denial and deception for so many yrs...that I have to be honest to keep my sanity.
Telling it just as it is helps me stay honest....sometimes I may hurt a feeling or two but, honesty is always the best policy.....I lived in lies in deception long enough,
(((((Jerry)))), Honesty.....whew what a thread to start and something that I have been thinking and talking about the past few days.
For me I am honest person. I don't lie. Now there are times when I may not give all the information (depending on the situation), but if asked a direct question then I will give a direct answer.
On the other side I have realized that honesty from others may be an unrealistic expectation I am placing on that person. I have also come to realize (and am trying to accept) is that the person I am talking to may being as honest with me as they are capable of.
As long as I stay in my own backyard and keep it clean then I should be good.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
