The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
He came back last night and asked for help. He made the phone calls last night and this morning. I just drove him there.
Strangely, as I was sitting next to him taking him there, I felt nothing. I felt no emotion except relief. Selfish relief. That he wasn't on the streets or his "friends" using crack or heroin today. That he wasn't here.
That for the next few days of detox, I don't have to worry.
Is it strange to feel so far detached you feel nothing at times? I mean I felt anger when he was here, sadness at times, worry all the time, but when it came to feeling love for him, I just felt numb and empty.
Im happy that your h is in detox, if only it gives you relief for a few days and who knows, he could be on the road to recovery. We can only hope.
I have said many times, I was with the X ah for 26 years. Felt every emotion that you described. I didnt start to feel numb until after the DUI 3 years ago, that after all he had put us both through, emotionally and financially, that he would still contine to drink. That was the boundary that broke the camels back as they say.
I wasnt angry, I numbed out and I think its a good numbing. I think we do have some mechanism in us that says enough, is enough. Im not saying thats what your feeling. Your probably having a healthy detachment. The disease of alcoholism can cloud a lot of our thinking. Maybe with your H in detox, you will be able to sort out what you are feeling.
Just keep coming back and share with us, stick with your HP and know you will get a lot of support from all the members here and at your f2f meeting. Bettina
That was the learning stage for me Destynee; learning that what I use to feel I didn't want to anymore and what I wanted to feel I couldn't decide yet. It's okay and powerful when you are honest about it. With the program when you get the feelings back they will be the right choices for you and you'll be free from the ones that never worked. Hope he walked in with a HP or that a HP was waiting at the door. Don't rush the feelings...get a sponsor and let them arrive as they usually do with change. (((((hugs)))))
I agree that sometimes people can just get to the place where they've had enough. I've been there. I took my AH to rehab a couple of times. I felt relief every time. In my case, I think I was relieved because I knew I would get a break from the chaos and drama for a couple of days at least. At the time, I'd been to some Alanon meetings but wasn't actively wokring the program. I wasn't good at detaching or setting boundaries (can't say I'm always good now, but progress and not perfection, right?). I had totally let myself get sucked into his drama and chaos and I was just mentally exhausted from trying to get him out of trouble. I felt relief that I didn't have to try anymore.
I felt the same relief when I finally accepted that I was powerless. I was relieved that I could stop trying - that I wasn't POWERFUL and didn't have to try to be anymore.
I also agree that there's no reason to rush the feelings. You don't have to make any decisions today about what your feelings mean.
I do not know if it is normal to feel that way or not, but that was the way I felt. Totally devoid of any emotion or opinion. I was not sure if I felt that was because the manner in which my husband went ( he waited until I left home for the day and had other family members take him.) For a day or two, I even had trouble putting my heart into my prayers for his recovery, it felt like empty words. Looking back, I think my mind and heart just needed the rest from all the 24/7 worry. So regardless if it is strange or not, you are not alone.
