The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I constantly find myself unconsciusly making plans to when my AH gets sober. Then I snap out of it and I remember that maybe that will never happen. But I struggle between facing my reality and giving up hope. I don't know I guess a part of me does not ever want to think that this is the way things will be forever.
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Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
This is a progressive family disease, it continues to get worse, until we make a change.
You can have hope for you, we cant sit and wish for others, I literally did that for 25 years, wishing and waiting for my parents/family to change. They stilll have NOT changed but I have and that has made all the difference. I began to focus on me, put the love of me first (so I could stop martyring me and neglecting myself), got busy with boundaries and with other activities. Accept your reality and make a change for YOU and take some of your personal power back. Waiting for someone who is emotionally unavailable -- lets just say u could wait forever for nothing. This is YOUr life.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Aloha Priscilla. Good to see you still reading and coming back. Just for me? I found it impossible to give up hope. If a person is coming here and asking for help and reading literature, going to meetings, talking with others in the program and a sponsor and solidly hooked up with their Higher Power using simple prayer and meditation there is no way hope will not be present. That is what I see you doing now....Keep coming back and keep it up. ((((hugs))))
Like others I feel the disease is progressive. Sometimes people plateau for a while. There are many many people who get into recovery. They are all sorts,shapes and sizes. It is possible.
What I have learned unfortunately by trial and error is that I can't make them.
I have also learned to live in today. Today as far as I know the ex A is still using. So I have made a decision to let go. There may be a time when he stops. There may be a time when he sucumbs to this disease. I had to make peace with it and I feel that is one of the hardest things I have ever done to let go.
One things for sure, the hardships we experience in this life do not last forever, we are in change at all times, we just dont feel it. I was married to the X ah for 26 years, I know what your feeling. Some days are not as hopeful as others.
The one thing I did promise myself was that my happiness was not going to depend on the A. I was not going to be dragged around emotionally by another person that couldnt even handle his own life.
Just remember to take care of yourself and know that your HP is there for you and that you are a great human being of high self esteem.
I agree with Jerry and others that as long as you are coming here, reading your literature, praying, practicing the principles of this program then there must be "HOPE. "
I guess the difference would be that we must focus on ourselves and plan that when we recover we will be able to complete our dreams what ever they are.
The introduction to alanon metings in my area states:
"We urge you to try our program, you can find help and even happiness even if the alcoholic is still drinking or not ."
Keep the focus on yourself and know that all things are possible one day at a time.
PLease keep sharing your journey with us.
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 14th of April 2010 05:42:45 PM
Hope that things will get better, not necessarily needing to control exactly what that will look like makes sense to me. I always hoped that things would get better and they did but not in the way I thought they would- in FAR better ways I could have ever imagined! Miraculous ways. Truly. hugs, J.
Thanks guys! Your kind words always make me feel better no matter what. Debilyn the little one is awesome, she's talking more and more ever day repiting everything I say, so I'm working on my potty mouth, but honestly, being a mommy just gets better every day doesn't it? Love you all.
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Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
I always say, it might be wise to give up helping, but it is never wise to give up hoping. HOPE is the thread of recovery, for ourselves and others. When we take HOPE out of the picture, a relationship it loses any true value it ever had. HOPE substains when all else subsides.
Hope Offers Purpose Everyday
Yours in the Spirit of Recovery, John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
For me, I felt that I might actually be achieving some recovery when I realized I had hope for the other person regardless of the outcome. Hope for them, hope for me, hope for others. It was all mixed in with compassion, understanding, and forgiveness. Working on myself and putting MY recovery first was the engine car in my train and everything else just followed. Nice thing is, with that as the driving force, it was usually headed in a pretty good direction. Not much in life turns out like I think it will so I try to to forecast too much. These days it actually makes me pretty uncomfortable. My daughter is getting ready to graduate which means some life changes for me as well. When I get into "where am I going" mode instead of just walking the path, I get pretty emotionally tied up. Questions without answers frustrate me, so I need to quit asking them. "What is going to happen?" is a question without an answer. I try not to put "hope" in that category. Hope for me is the sincere wish for my own serenity and that of others, without situational or material references included.
Tricia
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
