The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Dori I know, for me, sometimes I did not know how I really felt, until I came and vented right here.
We are not robots who can control everything that comes out of us. I have written posts and emails that did not come out right at all.
I see it as a positive when i see someone goof or say something that others are shocked by.
For one we learn from it, for another the person who goofs does too. And I suppose we all find out who is forgiving.
And I already admitted there have been a bunch of times I want to write the same th ing you did!! crimany if you are just dating.. run the other way, do not look back.
Trouble is even by thenn it is hard to turn around.
Anyway I care about you and the kids a lot dori. Please don't stop being here as much as you need to. If we have to learn from your mistakes, hey better than me making htem!!
lol lol lol. I am TEASING you!! (c: None of us are perfect. We are human, some not as afraid as others to show it.
hey I admit I threw a glass of cold tea at the A and a bottle of salsa too!! I was shocked by my behavior!! I am a mellow earth mother type!! And dori I was SO SO SORRY I mean why couldn't I have thrown the rolling pin or a heavy pig statue?? NOOOO i have to throw very messy tea and salsa!!HAHAHAHAHA
Hey believe me the disease pushes us even when it is not living with us. I see you as a very passionate person who has been terribly hurt.
One thing for sure that helped me, was moving on. I quit using the past as an excuse to cont. being depressed and lost. Time won't make any difference if we do not work on getting well.
Dori if you cannot find work, go volunteer somewhere. Get some self love back, give to something else. I mean do something you love to do.
If it is transportation, do you have buses? See if mental health has any direction they can give you. They may know of a womens group who helps women and kids in your situation.
Search until you find it!!! But take care of you as far as rest too.
You and your kids must have fun too. Go for walks, go to the library, find things that don't cost a lot. Make popcorn and play board games.
You need fun too. Sent you something today, wish I could do more. Don't be afraid to search for help there.
Your state is alloted money to be distributed by salvation army and other groups to help us with meds, food, cloths, housing etc. Some of it is only once a year, but it will help!! You paid into it, use it for all the money they took from you. Love you my sister in alanon. love,debilyn
I'm new here, but just read this post and have some ideas for kids that are cheap and fun. I remember years and years ago when my four sons were very young, we would make a birthday cake when it was nobodys birthday. Had a picnic in the livingroom one time, complete with peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches. Would go to McDonalds so the kids could get a sample cone for free. Board games. Bingo with prizes from the dollar store. The boys are almost grown now, infact two will become dads in the next year, but if you hear them tell it, it was a huge adventure when we had little money but lots of love.
Thanks for the great ideas that is what I thought i was doing helping by answering posts getting out of myself ha ha. i do volunteeer at a christian radio station i love here but i know i need to get out more.
as far as the kids they are teens one is 16 boy and girl 19 they both work and help that is killing me too and we do laugh alot belive it or not ha and dont llet me sound like i have nothing to be thanful for i do alot .
and yes i am trying to go to the agencys and do what i need to i didnt think i had any pride left but i do ha so thanks for all the good ideas . dori
Don't feel bad about your son and daughter having to work to help you out. I think many parents today coddle their kids TOO much and I think parents 50 years ago made their kids DO to much.
Either extreme is not good. You have to find somewhere in the middle.
My parents made me do 99% of the work around the house since I was twelve years old and my older sister joined the air force and left right after high school. I went from doing almost nothing (she was made to do it all) to doing EVERYTHING. NO wonder she "escaped", LOL!
Now when I say do all of the work I am not kidding. I had to come straight home from school and do my homework, BABYSIT my little brother and make sure HIS homework was done. Then I had to cook dinner, I got no help from anyone. My Mom worked afternoons and evenings and my Dad just came home from work and read the paper and laid down and took a nap...while I did all of the work. I burned dinner half of the time...I was only twelve after all and trying to cook for five people, and my ""punishmen" was that I had to eat the most burned parts. To this day I like crispy overdone food that most people consider burnt, but I still don't enjoy eating CHARCOAL, I never did, but had to. It is a wonder I don't get cancer from all of the burnt steaks I ate! LOL!
After dinner I had to do ALL of the dishes ALONE, while my little brother and Dad relaxed and watched TV and played games together. I had to clean up the kitchen too, the talbe, counters, and floor and do my OWN laundry and then take a shower and go to bed and get up at six and start all over again. On the weekends I had to MOW THE LAWN (remember I am age 12) and in the winter time, SHOVEL OUR LONG DRIVEWAY from snow so my parents could drive to work.
My parents were hard working, they were just really old (especially my Dad) and could not help it I think. I did not understand this until I got to be over 40, LOL, although I still say they could have helped me a LITTLE!
This went on for years, until I turned 16 and got my license. Then they got REALLY bad. My parents then did absolutely NOTHING but go to work and come home. They made me start doing the shopping too, and run all of their errands. They stopped even taking care of my little brother. When he was sick I had to make the appointment and take him to the doctor, they would not do it. I took him and me shopping for school clothes, etc. they just did absolutely nothing but go to work and write checks for this stuff. By the time I was 17 I was also doing home maintenance and repair. I painted the entire living room by myself, including the ceiling and painted the kitchen too (this came out really well and did NOT have to be redone). I also put in a textured ceiling in my own room. I also painted the garage, although I did not know you had to get outdoor paint, LOL and I got indoor. My did that not look good for long, LOL. My parents never taught me anything, I just got books at the library and they gave me the money for whatever supplies I wanted and I just did it. I did not do the best job, I had the last laugh when they had to pay to have everything redone by a professional when they tried to sell the house after their divorce, LOL. I did the best job I could, but with no training...well...lets just say it was not seller ready.
I was resentful about this for years and years until I married and had my own child. I knew how to do a WHOLE lot of things and never felt inadequate, or like I needed help. I had done it all before and knew my way around taking care of a home and family. I know a lot of young women feel a little overwhelmed and helpless to suddenly be responsible for their own home and family. I did not, even though I was only 21 when I got married the first time. I had done it all before and for a lot more people, so it did not faze me to do it on my own but in a smaller house and for less people.
I can unclog a sink by myself, fix my own stove, and other such simple things. I made my own wedding dress and my own wedding cake. I had been decorating cakes since I was ten with my easy bake oven. I made all of my maternity clothes and most of my baby clothes.
I DEFINATELY think my parents went overboard, but in hindsight I do not regret them teaching me to do so many things on my own.
My brother has really struggled inlife to have been so spoiled and never having done any work. he was lazy and unmotivated and did not get his act together until he was over thirty, when life had already taught him a lesson.
I have tried to be more balanced with my daughter. She too has been doing her own laundry since she was twevle. She has darned her own socks and sewn on her own buttons since she was about 10. She cooks dinner daily WITH me and is responsible for washing ALL dishes in the home and for cleaning the bathroom by herself. I do most of the other chores but she always helps me.
She has been able to cook dinner all by herslef since she was about 11 and a good and nutritious one too.
She is learning how to sew and can do a lot by herself.
I think it builds self esteen in kids to learn how to do things on their own. I also often thank my daughter for her help and let her know how much her efforts mean to help our home function well. I let her know she is an important part of the family.
I think it is good for kids to work outside of the home too, it teaches them money management and also to have a good work ethic. Even though my daughter does not work outside of the home, she definately works to help us save money. She helps me sew curtains, quilts, cltohes and many other things that we need. We make all of our own gifts and she always helps and is learning a lot of skills.
As long as your children still are attending school I would not feel guilty, just make sure they don't miss school to work, that would not be in their best interests.
At 11 I got a paper route and my parents supported me in the lie that I was 12 - the gae to get paper routes.
I worked evenings and all summer (except for the 2 weeks they sent me to camp)
As I got older i would work 2 jobs in the summer. I paid for my high school trip to Spain and my Girl Scout trip to bermuda.
When I turned driving age i had saved up to buy a car.
I wanted to go to college for english and write books.
My dad god Bless His Soul said to go for something that would pay the bills.
Smart man. I went for accounting and transitioned to computers. My dad paid for the first year of college and the other years we had to work and pay for.
teaching your children that work is important is a gift that will serve them well in life
megan
__________________
Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
What do you need help with? If it a clogged sink I have actually gotten pretty good and unclog all of my friends sinks. I use no dangerous chemicals and no draino.
I have an older home and have never had a clogges sink, as I am now into maintenance.
If you need help with any of the things I mentioned in my post email me and I will help how I can.
