taking care of myself, HOW? - Al-Anon Family Group

Tracy · ~*Service Worker*~

taking care of myself, HOW?

Kiki52 · Veteran Member

There's nothing to be feel guilty about in taking care of yourself. You deserve it. Have you just started attending meetings? It is suggested that you don't make any big changes until you've worked the program (attending meetings, working the steps with a sponsor, reading literature) for 6 months to a year. I did that and am very glad I did. When I came to Al Anon, I didn't think that I could stay in my marriage. Now 4 years later, our marriage is the best it's been.

Al Anon meetings helped me to clear my thinking. To back off from the situation so that I can see it clearly. To become emotionally healthy and make better decisions for me. I found that after working the program for a year, my confusion was gone and I could live my life and be happy. I hope you'll try it. It's worked for me

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

hi tracy. Ive been here 5 yrs now, working it with all I have. The first year, I spent trying to get the focus onto me, bc as an ACoA/codependent, I was programmed to focus on others. The first year I worked to focus on me, I felt guilt about it. A member told me it was "false guilt". False guilt being that I didnt do anything wrong, it was my disease telling me to focus on others and not be - simply out of habit. So that is what I belived was happening for me and I continued to focus on myself and ignore the feelings of guilt I was having, bc it wasnt logical and I knew that what I was doing was - healthy.

The guilt did eventually go away. My next adventure in self discovery was to love me, like I loved everyone else -unconditionally pouring love out of me onto others. I took 1% of the love I gave so easily to my mom and applied it to me. Well! I got overwhelmed and thought I would burst, got to half and it was still too much. So ok, I got down to 1/4 of 1% of love for me and I felt it, it was palpable and I could accept it.
After that I worked hard to be kind, loving and gentle to me, from my behavior, to hygeine and self care that way, to eating good healthy food, excersizing, meditatiing, keeping program and HP in my focus. In the beginning (bc I was so used to kicking myself at every turn and being self abusive) I merely cuaght my negatvie self talk and would forgive me for that and then make it positive. I did that over and over and now I love me, put me first and am positive with self.

Ive also learned so much about what loving truly is - by getting it on the inside and not grasping and trying to get it from others. Bc I do have it inside, the trying to get validated and loved by others, sort of fell away simultaneously.

I also love me, by following my boundaries and respecting myself. Lots of forgiveness work -let go of so many resentments and now - I feel very free. You are worht your own good love and attention. It is about self preservation. Being the self sacrificing martyr only gets you dead. I've also learned that I am loving, valuing and honoring God, by taking good care of me & cherishing this gift of life I have received.

It came down to -choosing me- over others, I am after all I really have. Today that is an incredible Blessing and I am ever so grateful.

-- Edited by kitty on Friday 9th of April 2010 12:43:10 PM

Mandy123 · ~*Service Worker*~

Tracy,
A very good alanon friend has always siad to me that when I change the way I look at things the things I look at change.

For me I have many different ways to practice self-care. The times when I was just so angry with my "A" that I knew I was going to blow I would take the kids and go to the park or even just walk around the mall for something to do. I would sometimes go to bed early and read a book or go to sleep if that is what I needed. A long hot shower is one of the favortie things that I did. I always felt better after taking a shower.

Today self-care is a bit different because I found something that really works for me. I love going to the gym. It makes me feel so much better and I can get out all the negative feelings. I also do not live with active addiction anymore. My husband I seperated and divorced.

Find what works for you. You are worth it.

Yours in recovery,
Mandy

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

I too had/have many panic attacks and stopped learning how to take care of myself a long time ago. So the concept of self care was totally foreign to me. But i was getting sicker an sicker as my A ( my son ) went about his busniess of getting high. I was obsessed with his every move when he was home and obsessed and panicked each time he left the house.
As he has OD'd serval times during a short period of time i even obsessed while he was sleeping. I would days without sleeping or eating.
Had no clue where to start with self care.
Then was told by another member HALT = Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired
She told me to start there when i would start to panic just stop and go thru those 4 things and pinpoint what I was feeling.
Thought she was a little nuts at the time but i was desparate so I tried it.
Sheesh and wouldn't ya know it worked. I started eating, sleeping, reaching out and praying when I was angry.
I had to do that for a long time before i had the strenght to move on to differnt ways to care for my self cause a first it seemed so selfish. Ya know it's okay to be selfish. And literally my life and sanity depended on it.
I will be forvever grateful for the member who passed that on to me.
Let that be your first step into self care
God Bless

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.