The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A husband just entered in-patient rehab and we're hoping he can get the help he needs to begin to achieve sobriety. But I'm also now realizing how much in denial I was about enabling his addiction. He had complete control of finances and they're in a mess! He made some really poor decisions that I ignored, assuming it was all OK. Now I take a close and responsible look and I'm really concerned about "going under". To make it worse, I paid for his rehab up-front and will also need to pay for lawyers fees, fines, fees, charges for the DUI he received that prompted his decision to go to rehab. Finally, I just realized we're spending about $200/month on booze since he was using direct debit fromour account to pay for it! I really want him to get better, but we're really struggling financially - he doesn't work and I support our family. Any suggestions from others what I should do to stop enabling drinking and get some help/support from my A to relieve some of this financial stress?
hi Rocky welcome. If it's your salary, spend it as if you earned it. Most banks have online banking where you can see at any time what has been deposited and what has been spent. You can start by looking at your family's spending. If you have to set up a new account without him as an authorized signer, consider that.
From my experience, someone new to recovery as your husband is does not have the bandwidth to provide you with emotional support. Alanon meetings are full of people who can. I encourage you to find an in-person meeting if you're not already going. You're going to need that special support from people who are or have been in your position and understand what you're going through. Jill
I cannot offer any advice, but can tell you a little bit about my experience. My husband works off and on and we had a joint bank account. He continued to feel that it was okay to take money that I earned and spend it on drugs. I had to open up my own account that he did not have access to. I was worried that he would become angry and we would argue and then I realized that I was the one becoming angry every payday and we argued anyway. Little by little I bagan to let go. When he took a title loan out on his brand new pick-up truck I bought him last year, I did not help him pay the loan off and it was reposessed. He went to jail for writing bad checks. I did not pay the checks, fines or court costs. He has to learn to clean up his own messes. As long as someone cleans up after him, he has no reason to change. I hope this helps.
