The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Another member here mentioned this quote and I guess it touches me so directly these days. In discussions (lectures) with my exaH he tends to frequently play the card of "I know ... the problem is you don't love me!" And I start to panic. Because I DO love him. There is so much about him and the "used to be him" that I really DO love. I care for him deeply. I care about what happens to him. I am scared for his wellbeing, emotional and physical. And I start to flounder internally.... "If I LOVE him, why can't this work? Why can't that be enough?" And the ripples of self doubt in my gut and in my mind and in my heart churn up again leaving me with this constant feeling of failure, inadequacy and incompetence to have a meaningful relationship..PERIOD.
When I get through all of that, and I gain clarity I always come back to this exact philosophy that answers my own internal questions..
Because Rora..."sometime love is NOT enough".
I am still trying to wrap my head fully around this. That I can LOVE the A, care for him, be concerned for him, but that doesn't mean he is the right person for me to share my life with.
Hi and thank you for the post.. Addictions are very personal and have nothing to do with anyone but themselves....If loved cured addictions no one would have them...blessings..:)
-- Edited by DreamXL on Friday 9th of April 2010 07:46:07 AM
This was something I struggled with as well when trying to figure out if I was going to leave my ex or not. I felt very guilty for wanting to put me first.
Then I asked myself when am I going to love me enough? Not that loving myself meant I had to leave him, but loving myself would be taking care of me.
I can still love my "A" and I do and love myself enough to take care of me and not feel guilty that love was not enough to keep us together.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
__________________
"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
Nice post But if love cured addiction they'd be cured If anger cured addiction they'd be cured If helplessness cured addiction they'd be cured You get my drift They have to love themselves enough to want recovery and i always ask myself if most A's really understood how much they were loved by so many people would they continue to abuse themselves. I guess that will always be an unanswered question God Bless
