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Hi. This may be a bit off my normal topic but I wasn't sure where to turn. My Abf-sober has a 14 year old son and he is with us every other weekend. He has always been a good kid, my bf never had a father growing up and as a result has always been very involved and hands on (as the ex would let him) with his son. Lately I have noticed a change in this kid's personality. he's been moody, hostile, smart-mouthed and I've always chalked it up to being a teenager (I apologize to my parents daily now) But his grades are slipping, failing, I've noticed a lack of interest in sports (which he used to love) he's very argumentative with his father (if my bf tells him to do something it's always a question or challenge or reason why he doesn't want to) he's giddy then sleepy, forgetful.... and his 16 yr old stepsister made a comment the other night to his mom that "she never smoked weed at 14" when she was being questioned about her behavior for whatever reason.
My bf has come to me often wondering what he's done wrong but I've told him he's just a teenager and they are moody nasty beings but is it possible this kid is on weed? Are there any of you out there that have experienced this or have signs I can look for? I'm also concerned b/c my bf first started drinking at age 12-13 and had his first rehab stint at 16. He's trying to be rational with this but I know him and he's at a loss. I know he will probably share this at his meeting, but I wanted to share with you all as well. I don't want to jump the gun but with his sister making that commet i'm not sure if she's serious or getting the heat off her... Any help you can offer is more than appreciated. (i'm really not looking forward to my little one becoming a teen!!! )
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"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become."
This is when I started the,"ignore what they say, watch what they do."
I would not confront the kiddo. I would set up a doc app. just a regular check up. No specific reason. We all have them. They draw blood, urine ask for drug tests. Be specific. I would ask for pot, meth, etc.
He is not 18 so you have every right to do this. I would not tell him he is being drug tested.
This can be a matter of life and death, I hear all the time from parents they wish they would have caught it early as our family did.
I know survival back packing and the family drug counseling saved my son.
I am so glad you are paying attention, these are all signs of drug use.NO WAY are you jumping the gun!
Hmmm, parenting is tough. Teenagers are even tougher.
I know my teen has gone through stages, failing grades, depressed attitude etc. Then she snaps out of it. Then she is back in it. I just let it slide most of the time. Teen years are hard enough emotionally without parents trying to analyze it (not condemning here at all, just remembering how it was).
But the bad attitude and talking back. That is where I draw the line. She actually got a little lippy with me the other night and I shut her down immediately. I am very open with conversations, but sass and disrespect are not tolerated . . . at all. And I don't offer it in return.
If all those were happening at the same time and discipline and consequences weren't helping I would personally seek counseling. Drugs, alcohol, people of bad influence, hormones . . . could be one or more of many things. A neutral source of communication might help flush out what the issue is, but more importantly help find a solution.
Just my take.
Tricia
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
Aloha Lissakiss...from my experience as a teen, a teen drinker, an adult drinker, alcoholic, recovering alcoholic and behavioral health counselor working with addicted teens in a large Cen.CA. hospital program I'd suggest dragging his young butt to an assessment and a pee test without a warning. If you warn you get different results sooo, "Be home at 3 this afternoon we have an appointment to make." "What, when, where, with who" are not discussion points. Use family health care provider if you feel a need to answer and then pack every one is the family mobile and go. Something like that. When I read your discription of what you are saying is happening it brings back a lot of memories and feels so usual... like I'm back there again. Good luck...(((((In support))))).
My son ( now an adddict ) showed those same signs at about 15 yrs old. We too chalked it up to teenagehood till he was caught smoking weed and brought home by police. We "thought" we did all the right things put him into couseling, attended drug programs etc. If I had known what was coming I would have had his butt in rehab asap. Of course we spent our time in denial and he got better about hiding it so by the time he was a full blown addict he was an adult and we had no power to put him anywhere. I know you have no real proof of what your step son is doing but i would get him assesed asap.
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