The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Welp... yesterday I Finally got to spend some Much needed time with my Sponser, we hung out & chatted for hours on end ;) it is amazing how after speaking I can feel so much better... She has been helping me work on some issues that I am attemping to come to terms with...
I never realized how much I make myself "readily" availible to others, but not myself... I schedule things without thought for others, but can't seem to make "ME" as important as them... I am slowly learnin "MY" Expectations are Very low when I am on that list... I will give someone my entire day, but when "I" need one, I am hesatent to ask for that favor, because I don't want to put anyone out... Yet I am the Visible Door mat for others...
I have had many ups & downs for sure when it comes to this 4th step... Feel like at times I have been on it longer them most have been in program ;) but I am slowly seenin the process... I am slowly grab'n hold of what is Real & Those that are "Fake" to me, other then when I can Do for them...
I have slowly Detached from many things, and yet others I still allow that control over my life... I now see it is time for me, to Loosin more strings, and stop enabling others & allow them to Grow by backing away... Allowing them the freedom, to pick someone else for all their task & triumphs.
Funny how my heart Can Ache just thinking about it, yet they are none the wiser... Funny how I can "See" now things I haven't been able to see for years... Decades really...What this program has given me, is much more then I ever dreamed... I am slowly removing my "rose colored glasses" and seein the world around me for what that is...
My inventory has been one of blessing in my life, and also sarrow, i have been up & down at the exact same moment, I have laughed at somethings, and can't stop crying at others... Has it been a Walk in the Park... NO... has it been a Nitemare? NO but it is real, I am Growing, and slowly I am beginnin to see that Little glimmer of Light at the end of the tunnel... Its not Perfect... but it is Progress...
I have started each day counting the blessings I do have, and tryin to channel my energy there, I have some tough choices coming up, and I don't yet know how they will turn out...Some may get discuraged, And some may choose to just be done, but either way, I suppose it is time to move My Life, in a direction that will Best Suit ME... And not others...
I have always done for others, and offered myself to them, even when there is no return on that help or offering, but I think it is truly time to Look at the bigger picture, move in a forward direction... Because As I am told often... "If nothing changes... Nothing Changes" and Frankly... its looking like a Great Time to get Started on that Change.... all of them :)
Thank you MIP... Thank you all for being here, allowing me to come here, and share my triumphs and my Falls, for letting me just be Human & not taking without Giving back... That is truly a new thing to me, and I am most grateful that you are all here, in Love, Support, along with your Experience, Strength & Hope... It is from those little reply's, PM's, calls & love that I have found the strength to stay on my 4th step, and yes... Get a SPonser.... the differance in having one has been a Huge blessing in that now things are slowly beginning to make sense... Even to Me :) I am most grateful...
Thanks for letting me Share... Love & Prayers to All
Thank you once again for sharing your very profound journey with us all.
I agree one of the most important gifts of this program is to be able to "Live Life on Life's Terms. Learning how to validate my needs, love myself and then in turn love others unconditionally is an ongoing adventure. I did not know how very deep my denial was until I truly worked 4 th Step. Your insightful share reminded me of all that.
It is a great adventure and we never stop growing and for that I am truly grateful to this program, MIP and all who share themselves here. We are not alone.
Oh by the way I loved your signature It is very evident that you are doing just that
Jozie said
Happiness, Peace, Serenity Only Come When You Open your Heart to Yourself and Listen Within...
the differance in having one has been a Huge blessing in that now things are slowly beginning to make sense... Even to Me :) I am most grateful...