Al-Anon Family Group

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Update
Post Info TOPIC: Update
babysteps


Senior Member

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Posts: 301
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Update
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Saw my AH-separated on Wed night. My daughter and I had dinner with him, then she went with him for the weekend. The atmosphere at dinner was very amiable, so yesterday I sent him an email suggesting he withdraw his court filing, and we sit down to discuss what will truly be best for all involved regarding custody (and what is likely to happen in a court of law, which is he loses). His reply was that my suggestions were all positive, but fundamentally we don't see eye to eye and he is not sure that is something we can overcome.

So, I have a lawyer, and I have all the evidence I need to show the court that the best interest of the child is to keep things the way they are.

The sad thing is that I was so willing to try to negotiate a settlement with him that would truly be in his best interest (no alimony, minimum child support, liberal visitation), but he is forcing me to fight. It will be his loss.

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Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3653
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Hp moves in mysterious ways huh? (o;  I know exactly what you mean. I was hoping my stb ex ah would be the person he used to be so I could stop the support. But he wasn't.

But actually I stopped the support on my own and forgave the debt. Why? I did it for me as it felt like the right thing to do. He is so sick and so insane. Just did not want to cause any strife. And I know how it feels when someone forgives a debt for me.

I hope it all goes ok. It is very hard when a child or children are involved.It is all up to you. I would think after having to be involved with him for your child you may want to keep things as mellow as you can for your sake!

Just a thought. What ever you do, it will be right. You sound very confidant and caring.

love,deb

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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 13696
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"His reply was that my suggestions were all positive, but fundamentally we don't see eye to eye and he is not sure that is something we can overcome." 

Sounds like he is open and willing to input on the situation.  Patience and open
mindedness are huge tools in recovery.  One of our local recovering Al-Anon
brothers helped me expand on my best slogan, "Don't React" with an additional
word, "Respond" which mean't to him and then to me...slow down, listen, learn
and then...respond.  This was huge grace for me from my HP thru this recovering
fellow.  Use the time to "think" which is a slogan to use.

(((((hugs))))) smile


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