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Hi. I'm new on here and hope to benefit from your advice and posts and to 'let off some steam' if I'm honest!! My 44 yr old sister ... married with 3 kids ... is an alcoholic and has been for years. She spent 6 weeks in a clinic on a de-tox programme 5 years ago and spent a considerable time sober. I took her to weekly open AA meetings (I realise more would've been better but she claimed only to have the time to attend the 1!!) To cut a long story short, she relapsed and ever since it's been a cycle of serious binge drinking for weeks and then she's slowly detoxed at home, etc. It changed for the worse, if possible, last summer, when she stopped drinking, had a fit and after being rushed to hospital, she had 2 heart attacks and spent a week in IC and 2 further weeks on a ward. When I got there, I was taken to the family room and a nurse told me that they were working on her and that they had brought her back twice. Unbelievably, she started drinking again, stopped, had another fit and was back in there. 4 months' sober and she started again 4 weeks' ago and went into hospital last week after spending 3 weeks in her bed, drinking, not eating and ended up with infected bed sores ... I saw her last night. It's absolutely heart-breaking - she is literally killing herself with booze. It's horrific when she's drinking but we're also aware that when she stops she is very likely to have a fit. She can't cut down slowly because she only stops when she physically can't drink anymore - she even swaps from Bacardi to strong lager when her throat is badly burnt and she's so sick but becomes too ill to drink the lager. I love her to pieces and have supported her in her battle for sobriety but there's nothing I can do but sit back and watch! Sorry for the rant - it helps to know that I'm amongst understanding people x
There is something you can do. You can take care of you! You took a first step in that by coming here.
I would strongly encourage you to attend Al-anon meetings in your area if you have any. The typical suggestion is to attend 6 meetings. If you go to a meeting and it doesn't fit you try different meetings. They each have a different feel. If you do not have meetings in your area you can attend the daily online meetings here at MIP in the chatroom.
Watching our loved ones struggle with this horrible disease is painful and it is so easy to want to help, but there is nothing we can do except take care of ourselves.
Keep coming back. You are in a good place here. This community is full of experioence, strength and hope (ESH).
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
You dont even have to watch if you choose not too.
Glad you came to al-anon. The disease of alcoholism is too overwelming!!! Too painful to watch your loved ones be destroyed slowly.
You need to get some relief for yourself as there is absolutely nothing you can do for her. There is something you can do for you and thats to attend Al-anon meetings and learn about this devastating disease and apply the tools for your recovery. Thats the best thing you can do for your sister.
Thanks for your replies. I'm not sure that I can get my head around me attending meetings ... it seems a little selfish, when she is the one so ill. I know that I can't stop her drinking but am here to support her and pick up the pieces. We are exceptionally close - probably 'cos we went to boarding school together when she was 11 and I 9?? Saying that, I know that I've got to change the way I deal with it because the situation makes me so anxious and I've my own family and work, etc, to consider. I'm also the only family member that supports her ... Again, thanks for your advice x
I am so very sorry that this disease of alcoholism has reached such a painful place in your family. I too watched my son struggle with this disease, as your sister is doing and I know how painful it is.
Alanon tools will help you to obtain a level of serenity and peace even as you watch this progression.
It is important that we stop the isolation so pLease try to come here often. There are 2 on-line meetings a day and 24/7 chat room available.
You are not alone. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Aloha Fingers. That is as hard to watch as it is to listen to and then leave up to the imagination. All the members have memories of what it use to be like with them and this can trigger those memories as it does for me. It also triggers the memories of the suggestions I got to get into the program and what it was like afterward. To detach from my alcoholic wife just long enough to get to and sit in the meetings was difficult because I felt so responsible for being on hand but then even as I was soooo responsible I was also soooo powerless and what was happening was hapening in spite of my best wishes intentions and actions. This disease runs itself.
What works best I have experienced is when a recovering alcoholic comes into the picture by some providence. AA membership does hospital visits to drunks under the influence of alcoholism and they with their stories are powerful at causing change. They will also make house visits or office visits and the like but they cannot if they are not aware of a problem.
Might you call the local AA hotline and ask if someone is available and then turn your sister over to the Higher Power of your understanding? Then you can call the Al-Anon hotline and get the meeting times and locations for the family, friends and spouses of alcoholics to come listen and learn about how best to help.
Keep coming back here and reading and asking for support. There are some very powerful members of recovery here at MIP. This is truely a miracle in progress.
I'm so glad you found MIP. I want you to know you're not alone, and many of us have been in a similar place. I recall being so shocked at my husband's return to drinking after the scariest of health consequences - fractures, withdrawals, seizures, a stroke etc. I also recall being shocked that he returned drinking despite a wife and son who loved him dearly. So frustrating, yet also a painful reminder of the power of addiction.
While dealing with many health crises, I did feel myself being worn down and out. I stopped being able to function as well at home, was less of a mother than I should have been to my son, had trouble doing my job, and became isolated from my friends. I could substitute "I" for "He" and people might think I was talking about someone with an addiction. In fact, I was. I was addicted to him and taking too much of a role in trying to fix him. I needed meetings as much as he did. Huge aha moment for me.
As I started to get life back in balance, I slowly learned that his outcome was up to him and ultimately his Higher Power or God. This lesson was hardest to learn because I could see that this might mean he could die from his disease of addiction. I wanted to stand in the way of the speeding train and could not. However, I did learn I could love him anyway. As I'm sure you love your sister. She is not bad, she is sick. But you can't cure her.
Hello and welcome , i am sorry u have to watch your sister do this to herself over and over again , this disease is so powerful some choose to die truly believing that they cannot stop , cannot live without alcohol. recovering alcoholics refer to this disease as cunning baffling and powerful three words i have come to have a great deal of respect for . Never give up hope you never know what her Higher Power has in store for her . Please find time to attend Al-Anon meetings for yourself , you need support from people who understand where your at and can share thier own experiences with you.. will be thinking of you and sister .. Louise
Thank you for all your supportive words and comments. They've given me 'food for thought'. I've just got back from visiting her and she's being a demanding-Diva patient ... she phoned me earlier asking me to take in an assortment of nuts, moaned about her bed, food, reading light, fellow patients and as I was leaving, got teary and asked if she could ring me during the night 'cos she gets lonely. Anyway, I said, "of course - until 10pm, then ring the Samaritans after that time, if you want any sympathy!" I said it jokingly but secretly meant it!! I'll start reading others' posts ... I've got a lot to learn! x
I just want to say how grateful I am to have found this forum & wish that I'd found it years' ago! You are very understanding, welcoming and informative. x
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