The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Drug addict H has been thrown out of his sober house. I didn't hear from him for 3 days until last night when he calls and says he's killing himself. I called 911 and gave me the last address I had but he had been thrown out. They couldn't find him. He called again and started blaming me for everything, his addiction, etc. It was awful. He hung up on me after saying he was done with living and turned off his phone.
I ended up just a wreck all night. I didn't call at all.
He called at 8:30 AM over and over and said I thought you were bringing me money for gas so I could go get help. I said I would drive him straight to the hospital but I wasn't bringing money. He hung up on me. All day long he left messages saying I didn't care about him, why wouldn't I bring him food, why was I letting him starve. I didn't answer the calls from his phone so he called me from whoever he was with at the time. I ended up speaking to him once and he said "why are you being a bitch to me?" I said I didn't want to speak to his disease and if that's the way he was going to speak to me, I was done and I ended the conversation.
I didn't hear from him at all, I checked his voice mail (I know bad but I'm waiting to find out if he lost his job yet because he hasn't shown up and he carries the health insurance. Once that happens I won't have any and I make too much on unemployment to qualify for medicaid (900.00 a month)). Anyway, he called a girl he used to party with when we were first married and he'd disappear when drunk for days and apparently they were going to dinner.
I'm so tired of worrying about him and if he's dead or what. I'm trying so hard to focurs on me, I went and got my haircut and went food shopping, took the kids outside, instead of just being in the house. But its just so tiring dealing with this.
He keeps saying you don't care about me, blah blah, but yet he hasn't asked once about our kids (3 and 1). I know its the disease and not to take it personally but I haven't mastered that yet.
Tomorrow I'm supposed to meet some other moms for pizza and a pampered chef thing but I'm so afraid to leave my home. My parents offered to watch the kids for 2 hours. Is it the right thing to do?
"Pizza and pampered chef thing sounds awesome..... go there, "guilt free"....
he will either drink (or not drink, or be abusive, or be nice, or be angry, or be sad) or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do??
It's a great time to do things - for you - and it sounds like you have a nice opportunity tomorrow to start just that....
Tom"
LOL often times another member says it better than I ever could so I'm just doing a ditto... However let me suggest the extra cheese and sausage topping. Tom might have been thinking about that also. ((((hugs))))
I hope you go and let me know how the pizza is.!!!!
You cant predict what will or will not happen. Sometimes what we think will happen in our minds, doesnt even come to be. I know life is unpredictable with the A, but we must be determined to live our lives as best we can. Determination is what it takes to not be swayed. The A's will and power is nothing but chemicals, it has no substance.
We must develop a life with strength, courage and wisdom. My best, Bettina
I agree time out with your friends is most important. I would enjoy that time more if I had a meeting before. That would center my thoughts and connect me to HP. Maybe just coming here to chat before you go would do that.
Keep practising focusing on YOU and not his issues, moods, whims, feelings, attitudes. He is doing what A's do, blaming you so he can justify using. In my experience the A's dont just go away on their own, they wont respect or follow ur boundaries - you have to do it for you and if you dont, surely no one else will. If not now, when? You deserve to have ur life back and u can take it back, by re-directing your mind when it goes to worry about what the A is doing or not doing. I found it very effective to pray for my A's when I was worried about them and turning them over to their HP/god.
Tom said it, they are going to do what their going to do ~ the real question is what are YOU going to do?
Yes, 2 hrs with grandma and grandpa sounds like a short mini vaca for the afternoon for you and the kids, they love getting spoiled at the grandparent's and they love doing it. Take care of YOU and consider setting some boundaries in regard to ur AH. Take care of YOU, whatver that looks like.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
