What to expect when they get out of rehab??? - Al-Anon Family Group

Cararuss · Newbie

What to expect when they get out of rehab???

tlcate · Senior Member

Hello Cara,

Welcome to MIP! We are glad you found us. I have not been to rehab, but I am an alcoholic. I can not tell you how he is going to feel - and chances are others won't be able to either. Only he can tell you how he is feeling.

It could go many different ways. He could come out and realize that a life of recovery is what he needs and stay sober the rest of his life. He could come out and drink. Either way, it will change as all things do. If he stays sober, there are good days and bad days during this process. If he continues to drink there are chances if it is really serious that he could ruin his life or possibly even kill himself or others . . . or just be an unhappy drunk.

Really there is no way to forecast how he is going to feel or what is going to happen. He is fortunate to have someone in his life that cares and loves him enough to try to figure these things out. If you read through the posts here you will see that we recommend leaving their sobriety and recovery to them. Stay out of it. Being loving and supportive is one thing, enabling or trying to control and have too much input isn't going to help them or you and may actually make things a bit messy. "I love you" is always a wonderful thing and what I try to fall back on more than "let me do this for you". Hold his hand and let him make his choices and feel his feelings.

Thanks so much for coming and sharing with us. We are here if you have any further questions and if you need anything for yourself along the way.

Tricia

Cararuss · Newbie

Thank you so much! Your right and I really like this site . Can you suggest any books for me to read to better understand. Most of my time with him obviously involved drinking even if it was some glasses of wine. I am sure I am going to see a "different" side of him not drinking and I surely do not want to enable him in any way.

Thank you friend!

Cara

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Cararuss,

I can only answer from my experience, with my x alcoholic husband. He went thru four rehabs in a 5 year period. one was a mental facility because he once got suicidal. That was after he found out that the woman he was having an affair with, gave birth to twins and he had confessed to me before she did. Another time we were eating in a restaurant and he passed out and his face hit his plate with the the food in it. I dont know how I got him out of there, but I put him in the car and took him to the ER and the put him in rehab.

When he came out of rehab all four times, he drank on the way home. The good thing about detoxing and rehab is that it gives them a break from all the drinking. The last treatment, he was there for two weeks, so that was a two week break from drinking. So I never thought it was a waste.

The X was an alcoholic by the time he was 29, or he was well on his way, today he is 57, and he has been sober 6 months for the first time in his life.

Your friend is lucky he has a friend to support him, I dont know how close you are to this person. Just remember you cannot fix him or her. This disease is cunning and baffling. Your friend could have a different response, every story is different. I have never known a person who had an intervention. I do watch it on TV, all the addicts go to rehab, which is amazing. Ive never known an addict go to rehab willingly and that easily. Then the rate of recovery doesnt look good on there, you ever watch after, it always says they went back to their addiction in a short period of time.

If you feel that your friends drinking has affected you, please come back and listen and learn a little more and learn the tools of the Al-anon program. I wish you luck.
Bettina

tlcate · Senior Member

Hello Cara,

There is a LOT of literature out there. You can simply go back to the main page by clicking on Board Start and at the bottom of that page are links to purchase Al-Anon literature. Great stuff.

Another book that is recommended a lot if Getting them Sober by Toby Rice Drews.

BUT. If I was in your shoes and really wanted a crash course in sobriety . . .

I would go to an open AA meeting. I haven't heard anything yet where his alcoholism has affected you and you need "recovery" or to work the steps. Al-anon might not be appropriate. But if you want to understand a little about sobriety, about recovery, about what Alcoholics Anonymous is all about, an open AA meeting will offer this quickly and very, very clearly. I truly didn't understand how important staying sober is for some folks, and I am an alcoholic!!! Getting there and hearing their stories, their struggles to stay sober, their losses to alcoholism and their gains in sobriety is a wonderful, eye opening experience.

You can usually find meetings in your area on the web and as long as it is an "open" meeting you are welcome as a visitor.

Lots of resources out there and feel free to lean on us as well.

Have a good evening.

Tricia

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

tlc shared so many good truths.

Best thing is no expectations of addicts. Addiction is like any other disease, we don't know how it will affect each person.

My favorite book is, "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drew. Very easy to read, taught me so very much.

Their disease is their own, their experience their own. Just like anyone else they want to be loved for them, they are not their disease.

They don't want to be responsible for anyone around them changing what they do becuz of them. Your drinking in front of this person makes no difference. We can do nothing to make someone use.

I hope you keep coming back. This disease is very crafty, the person will manipulate in ways no one around them may realize.

welcome,debilyn

Cararuss · Newbie

You guys are really great, I copied and saved all of the responses so I can keep reading it over. I am not close enough to live with him or talk every day but we would see each other every week and every time would be fun cuz he would crack open the wine bottle. What I realized to my glass of wine he would have 3 huge glasses at least. Drinking every weekend and drinking every night when alone . He ran his own business so when stress hit the drinking did.
He was even more sweet and fun and nice when he drank without looking drunk.
Alot is on his shoulders but I heard from him in rehab once and all he talked about was the group he was in and he seemed excited about it.

After the terrible accident and now this two months later I'm hoping he has peace. Never had a bad experience with his cuz of alcohol.
But I want to understand
I think this is the first time he will see things with truly sober eyes.

Thank you all so much, you guys are great for helping me like this

god bless

Cara

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello and welcome . ( his family put it all to gether for him ) occasionally the alcoholic will go to rehab to get us off thier back and out of thier face , and occasionally thier serious and want to recover .. only he knows the answer to that one . I lovingly call early sobriety Stark Raving Sober , don't have a clue what they want or how they feel full of guilt and shame over past behavior , everyone is different no one knows what thier going to be like , you asked how to support him , in my opinion the best way to support his efforts at sobriety is to get your own program Al-Anon , learn about alcoholism and what not to do.. our job is to support them no do it for them . this is his trip leave it with him , while everyone else gets thier lives back on track . Louise

Kiki52 · Veteran Member

ITA with Abbyal. The best thing you can do is go to Al Anon meetings. When my husband was newly sober I asked an AA/Al Anon that I knew "What do I do????" He told me the best thing to do was to get to some Al Anon meetings and work my own program and leave him to his. I did it and it worked for me. I learned about detachment and not enabling and was able to work on myself and not become obsessed with his behavior.

BTW, Abbyal. I love Stark Raving Sober. That exactly describes my husband

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.