The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
On March 8, my father passed away. He died exactly how I feared he would, at home, and alone. I had seen him 24 hours earlier, my grandfather had checked in on him 12 hours before I found him. I am (was) very close to my father, so this has been hard for me. I went through a week of numbness and then a week of shutting myself away, while trying to play "ok" to deal with the rest of my family. As my father's oldest child (he was divorced and never remarried), every one of the arrangements and 'estate' business fell to me. He wanted cremation and no ceremony, but we held a small family gathering Sunday to say goodbye. My aunts were a great support to me, and told me how well I had handled everything.
My boyfriend was very supportive during this time, also. He was worried how I would handle my father's death, but told me that he's very proud of me. He had no respect for my father and didn't care for him at all, and I know this, but he let me talk about my dad, about our life, about the end, and didn't express his opinion at all, which is one of the best things he could have done.
Overall, for my father's sake, I'm glad that he is at peace and no longer in pain. I wish he had done better, that he had stayed sober, that he had fought harder, but all I can do is try my best to remember the good times I had with him and the good person that he was, underneath the drinking.
Thank you, everyone, for your supportive words before. There is a level of peace to be found for both of us now, even though it is not under the circumstances that I wanted.
I lost my A mother to cirrhosis in November, and it opened up a whole cauldron of confusing emotions that I thought had been long dealt with while she was still alive. Just in case you suddenly find your life going upside down in the weeks and months to come.
I will be where you are now with my own A father, some day. He will likely go at home and alone also. I can see it coming, and I accept that I am powerless to change that outcome.
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm glad your boyfriend provided a good listening ear. Take good care of yourself in the months to come. We're here for you.
I am very sorry for your loss. I hope than you can find comfort by remembering the man who was your father before he was taken/shrouded by the disease. I know from your earlier post that you are a kind, loving and gentle soul who did your best to support your Dad in his darkest hours. He died alone, but you are in his heart and he in yours. My husband also died alone. I struggle terribly with it, but know that God spared me witnessing that last moment of seeing the disease take him from me.
Please know that we are here for you whenever you need.
Aloha Alyana...My condolences to you and your family. You have found a very good level of understanding and acceptance. Good for you. You post the serenity of the Serenity Prayer; the serenity to accept the things you could and cannot change. That's teachable and I'm glad you brought it here. For me there is another Father the Father of all Fathers where I can turn to in situations which require acceptance. May you find comfort in the palms of HP's hands and a place to rest your sadness.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My father died alone also on someone's front porch. I like to think that his HP was taking him home and that he really was not alone.
My deepest sympathies on the loss of your father. Know that he is at peace now. He battles this terrible disease no more. I have no doubt he is looking down on his daughter with a loving heart and smiling at what a remarkable woman you are. Remember the good memories and that he will always be with you. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
