The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Things have been going very well for me. I have been focusing on me and taking care of me as never before. It has been a while since I have allowed myself to obsess about somthing that I have almost forgot what the hampster wheel sounded like, but the hampster is back and he is spinning his wheel like crazy.
I went to the docotor yesterday for a follow appointment. I didn't get the greatest news. She is certain that I will have to have my gallbladder out. I know it isn't as major as it used to be and I know this is my health we are talking about, but I was so unbelieveably angry that this is happening.
I mean I ignored mself and my health for years. Now when I am finally taking control of me back and doing things to make me healhty those changes are now affecting me. I knew getting in healthy mentally, spiritually and physically was going to be hard work and I am preparred for it, but to have major health stuff come up because I am finally getting healthy just seems so wrong. I would understand it more if all this came up while I wasn't taking care of me.
The not knowing is driving me crazy. She said that depending on the blood work for my pancreas came relvealed I may not have to have the surgery. I have a consultation tomorrow (and I am very grateful that it is only tomorrow for the consultation) and I am not sure what they are going to be able to tell me.
I know HP has me in his hands. I know that it is a good thing that this was found out by "accident" (which I also know was a HP thing) and before I was really really sick. I know this has to happen. I know that I will figure out what to do with the kids while I am recovering. I know this is out of my hands, but still Squeak...squeak.....squeak goes the danged hampster wheel.
Anyway.... I have some target practice to get to with any luck I will shoot the little bugger soon .
Thanks for being here and giving me a place to get the anger out.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
__________________
"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
Gall bladder problems? You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. Sound familiar?
God, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.
Leave it to God and the doctors. These days, gall surgery is nothing- two, three days in the hospital, some quiet time, and done. What is it Alanon teaches us? Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. It feels like a mountain to you, but it's really a molehill. You'll be up & about in no time.
One gauge I use is: will it make a difference in one year? In this case, no, it won't. Leave it to your higher power.
LOL. Feel your feelings, they are yours to have. I like the fact that you see that it is not good for you to feel this way, hence the hamster wheel reference, but you are feeling it and getting it out here.
Just use the tools. Gratitude list etc. I know I often get to "jeez, can I just catch a break??" - but the answer truly is for me . . . no, this is life honey. As long as I get the privilege of living it - I get to suffer through it LOL. In any situation there are positives and it just helps me to look at that. How fortunate am I compared to others? Pretty darned fortunate. I started off this morning complaining LOUDLY about a coworker (not to him). But I had myself all bunched up and in the big scheme of things, though his behavior IS annoying, the only person that my being annoyed hurts . . . is me!
One of the greatest tools for me when I feel like that . . . is sharing. So thanks for sharing with us! I hope you feel better tomorrow and get some great news.
Tricia
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
Feelings are just that - feelings. You've acknowledged them and are getting better. When we were really sick, you probably wouldn't even had acknowledged those feelings. Proof positive we are getting better. I remember the gallbladder surrgery my mother had way back when. What they do today is a vast improvement. Here's hoping that you don't have to have the surgery. But if you do, I know you will be able to handle all that needs to be handled. After all, you're one of my heroes & heriones here. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
. 
/10.gif){kind=small}
