The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been away from Alaon for whatever reason, work, family, no time, I thought I could handle it myself. etc..I have been reading all the lit on Alaon with some great results for myself. I am starting back with my f to f meeting on Wed. I am going thru a bad time with my A as I really think he has reached rock botttom. I have been married for 40 years and for 40 years and I thought things would get better, but no way they are only worse. He is now retired and has a little pt time job but can';t wait until the day is thur to get started drinking. I have loved this man for 40 years with all of his problems because I know he has a kind heart and gentle soul. He cares deeply for his family and loves his new grandchild with every being. I know that he is sick and I can't help him, that I need to help me. My problem is he is draining his SS check on booze and gambling. I told my sister,,its not about the money, its about the kind man that is sick. I have power of attorney over eveything but his SS check. We had a huge fight and I told him I was leaving. He came home after drinking and gambling and he said he was sorry and to please don't be mad at him that he is trying. I told him we are done....and I told him I don't trust him anymore and he said I don't blame you. He has not had a drink in 4 days He is hurting really bad today and he bought some wiskey for tonight. I told him it will kill him,,he didn't seem to care. I needed to vent..I can't believe I am in this boat for 40 years...
Ok, you have a lot of compassion for the ah, gambler, and you understand he is sick and needs help. You cant help him! Only AA or treatment can help him.
Weggie, where is the compassion for yourself?? Do you care for the Ahgambler more than you care for yourself. I was with the ah for 26 years, if I did a few more years , I would have been dead. 40 years!, I know thats a long time a lot of memories., but the reality is what you face every day and the quality of your life. You say its not about the money. When he is a gambler, it does become about the money. Gamblers never tell you how much they lose, only how much they win.
Weggie, what ever your decision is, please come back and let us share our experiences and return to the tools of the program and your HP. Then you will be on a path where you will begin to heal from 40 years of not being kind to yourself. I wish you strength, courage and wisdom. Bettina
I too left alanon and thought I could do it by myself NOt SO. My disease tells me I do not need help, I can do everything myself, I can handle everything alone . I hit a hard bottom when I decided to go it alone. I discovered I did certainly need the "Face to Face" fellowship of equals.
I had to connect, I had to be heard, I had to feel understood, I had to contribute constructively to a group. Alanon gave me that and the tools to live with serenity, courage and wisdom
I am glad you are going back to your meetings.
You will find the road that is right for you. Do not leave before the Miracle
My thoughts are certainly with you. I lived with an alcoholic addict who destroyed his health. The grief was tremendous.
I hope you will find time to come here as often as you can, go to the chat room too. You deserve support, understanding and love. You also deserve some respite.
