The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
What I read in C2C this morning was profound for me. It has really given me food for thought.
My mother has the beginning stages of Alzhimer's disease. My son has the disease of Alcoholism. It is very frustrating to be around both of them at times.
I love my mother and I love my son. They are my family. Would I put my mother out of my home because I couldn't deal with her disease. Of course not!!!! I would find a way to deal with it. There are support groups for family members with Alzhimer's. Maybe I should be seeking out that group too.
I have decided that I cannot throw my son out of my home. I must have boundaries around his drinking but I also know that he did not choose to have this disease. It is just not in me to turn my back on him. I have decided that I need to throw myself into this program and learn to accept this disease, set boundaries and love my son for who he is. He may never find recovery but if I am able to set and stick to boundaries I think I could live a peaceful life.
Establishing boundaries is hard, u have to make sure that ur willing to follow though on them or they dont work at all. You have to stick to them and follow thorugh on the consequences bc no one else will, u have to keep and maintain them. But wow, once I did that it was the beginning of change for me. I got self respect when I followed though for me and then it was followed by emotional detachment and after a life of emotional enmeshment, the detachment felt like heaven, miraculous and liberating!
You are worth your boundaries. Even if others dont understand, stick to them and take care of YOU whatver that looks like.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I agree, that reading in the Courage to Change is profound!!! Once I really accepted that alcoholism is a disease, I stopped taking it as a personnel attack and stopped fighting it.
I did need to really up my use of the tools of alanon and meetings in order to maintain my serenity and peace. I must add here that I never did become a Saint so that while I was learning how to live constructively with this disease I had many bouts wirh anger and resentment. I allowed myself that as I am human .
I worked very hard using alanon tools to stay sane in an insane world.
I still believe the tools of :
Living one day at a time, Focusing on myself, Prayer, Meetings, Living in the Now, No projecting to the Future or Regretting the Past, Focus on myself, Meetings, Steps were the answer.
Remember the alanon closing states:
"We urge you to try our program you will find help and even happiness even if the alcoholic is still drinking or not"
I just wanted to tell you that I absolutely agree with you! Today's C2C reading touched me so much. My AH was my best friend and to see him become the shell of a man he once was had crippled me and made me realize how much I needed help. Although I'm just beginning (only 3 face 2 face meetings) to date my journey, it's helping me to be a stronger me. Big hugs to you!
-- Edited by rickyg1fan on Wednesday 24th of March 2010 09:18:24 PM
Good for you! That's the lovely thing, we aren't about kicking out the A's, turning them away, hating them, labeling them, or withdrawing our love. We are about you taking care of you, whatever that looks like. In that, if we can find compassion and understanding for those who are suffering - all that much better!
And it looks like that is what you are doing! Congrats!
Tricia
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
Sounds as if that Courage to Change reading was meant for you. I've had that happen a couple of times. It's like HP giving us a wake up call. Whatever your decisions, I respect them and support them 157%. You are a woman of great strength & courage. Stick to those boundaries. Just remember they are like grounding a child. You can't ground a child by sending him/her to their bedroom if they have all their toys, phone, TV & computer. It has to have meaning & consequence. Not an easy thing to do, but you can do it. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
