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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> I AM SO STUBBORN
Post Info TOPIC: I AM SO STUBBORN
pricklypear


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I AM SO STUBBORN
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So here I am again.  Thinking I can fix it..  the neverending substance abuse counselor who is great with her clients.  My friend who has been in AA for the last 23 years says "draw the line...tell him to get help or go."  Realize I pink slipped this guy two months ago because of suicidal behavior mixed with alcohol. Been in treatment one time a week since a week stay in the hospital (they did an assessment on the computer?) Last week found a bottle of Popov in the laundry room.  He says it was old.  I find the receipt in his coat pocket from three days prior.

Bit of sad side humor...warped.  Yesterday:  I came home from my daughter's bridal shower weekend down south.  I smell alcohol.  He tells me I am nuts. So I rationalize that I am going to prove I am not nuts to myself.  What do I do?  Go on the hunt.  Found it in the trunk under the carpet near the spare...Popov, my nemesis.  She and Smirnoff have robbed me once before.  Tell him I found it...again tells me he doesn't know what I'm talking about.  I say I've had enough of the lies...won't take a back seat to Popov, Smirnoff, or Grey Goose for that matter.   Done with the lies.  I'm too smart.  But....will I actually do something about it?

See, I don't need to prove I'm not nuts, but my own intelligence keeps getting in the way.  I have to rationalize why I am searching for the alcohol... to justify what? To prove I am not nuts and that my nose works?  Come one!!!  I know alcohol when I smell it.  Reality check:  I am just as sick!!!   I know all of this...but I AM SO STUBBORN. 

Head to heart, head to heart, head to heart. I am not eating my own wisdom!

The knowledge is there...I just don't know how to change.  And I am getting tired of me!  

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Shari

...to accept the things I can not change does not mean to change the things I can not accept...
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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For me it was accepting my ah has a disease. then detaching from it. It was not my business if he used or not.

I cannot control it anyway so why bother. Learned to love him no matter what when I chose to stay or have him stay.

Didn't even have a desire to even talk about his illness, it was his business. I know if I had a disease I would not want someone snooping around my stuff. I believe they have a right to make their own decisions same as I do. If I don't like it, then I guess I should not be with them.

Just me. hugs,debilyn

__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
CJ recovery


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Posts: 40
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You still have to accept Step 1:   accept that you are powerless over alcohol.   This means to also accept that your mate is powerless over alcohol.

This is FACT.  That is all the rationality you need!   It is scientific and psychological FACT.  

We all suffer our own relapses on this step.   Do you have a Alanon sponsor?   Can you open ODAT and read on Step 1?

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breezee


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Posts: 15
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They say that the longest journey is that 18" between head and heart... i believe that to be true. I also believe that the slightest change in direction on any journey can lead to a whole new destination... baby steps, progress not perfection. Let us love you till you can learn to love yourself... better.

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hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 17196
Date:
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pricklypear wrote:

The knowledge is there...I just don't know how to change.  And I am getting tired of me!  


Hi Shari

I too knew intellectually  how powerless I was but implementing that idea did take using  alanon tools such as:

The slogans:
 How important is it, Let go and Let God, First things First (my serenity was always first) .

The serenity Prayers was a real eye opener.    I realized in this prayer I am asking HP to grant me serenity, wisdom and courage,  It is not something I can acquire on my own.  With that awareness my program took on a whole new meaning and the 1st Step became second nature. 

I am powerless over people places and things  Thank God!!!

Take what you like and leave the rest

 

 



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
freeagain


Veteran Member

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Posts: 91
Date:
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For me, it wasn't my intelligence getting in the way...it was the family disease of alcoholism. Being a Dr, an addictions specialist or a waitress has not one thing to do with denile, reality, powerlessness or love. This disease spares no one. It has NO boundries. I was "terminally unique" when I came thru these doors and it was really difficult to be me.

Today, I am simply a part of "we" and I am no longer alone. It is a simple program that we complicate the heck out of. A sponsor helps me sort thru what is mine, what I need to do and what I want to do and why.....

Good luck...it is cunning, baffeling and powerful...but you are not alone.

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kitty


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2098
Date:
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first things first prickly pear ~ focus on YOU

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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
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