HELP - HELP - HELP!!!!! - Al-Anon Family Group

fishinmama · Veteran Member

HELP - HELP - HELP!!!!!

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Fishinmama,

I am so sorry that this is going on. Arguing with this disease only helped to make me crazy.

Please look after your serenity Do not engage. You have set your boundry and he understands the situation.

I would call his PO and have them deal with it Your home is not a jail and you do not want to be his jailer

Praying for your peace.

Suzi1965 · Veteran Member

Im so glad your not buying into all the manipulation and abuse. Good for you! I just wanted to say that those who deal with people in the courts etc.. probably arent quiet as easy to fool as some would hope, they deal with this everyday. I know you dont want to draw the police etc into it, but you need to do whatever it takes to take care of you and in the long run it may help him hit his bottom as well. My thoughts and prayers are with you ~Hugs~

Rocky38 · Senior Member

Hi Fishinmama,

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I don't have any experience with this kind of situation, so can't offer any ESH directly on your question.

One thing I wanted to share on is our ability to separate the alcoholic/addict from their disease. This can be very difficult when they come at you with abuse over a prolonged period time. I know that for a while, when my AH became very abusive and nasty, I thought - he hates me. Sometimes I even thought - I must be terrible. It took me a while to realize that a very sick person, with a severe brain disease was raging against the world - me included.

The fact that they are so sick, does not excuse the bad behavior. Nor does it mean that we should accept such behavior. But we are also offered some shelter from the blows against us if we can embrace the idea that this is not coming from our husband/child/lover/friend - but the disease. I found that this also helped me refrain from my own "back against the wall" nastiness.

Good luck to you,

Hugs, Rocky

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

So sorry you are going through this prayers to you
My son was on probation but not house arrest but he kept going out and getting high.
We have been on this merry go round for years
Finally wehn he would come home high I would call his PO
The last time we told our son we were taking him to a shelter... i was crying my eyes out the whole time i was packing his things. I had to notify his PO as it is law that they be notified of any change of address. His PO just told us to keep him there they would come pick him up.
And they did, took him to jail ( which is not a bottom for my son). Son was sentenced to 6 months in the jail rehab unit ( where he is today). We have made it clear he will not be coming home. In his last month of incarceration he will be allowed to leave the jail everyday to look for a job, place to live and start attending intense out patient treatment.
I have secured him a bed ( i hope ) in a sober living house where he can go upon his release.
But turing to the law ( his PO) seemed our only option to get him out of the house, in a safe sober enviorment etc. I am not sure it is the alanon way but we saw it as our only option.
If your son is on house arrest i am figuring he is on probation. You can call his PO or the PO on duty anytime he leaves the house if you are comfortable with that.
Our son didn't blame us... he doesn't do the you are terrible parents thing much unless we are somehow standing in his way of getting high.
Hope any of that helped
Prayer to you and please start getting to meetings and working on you

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Fishin...From a past Alternatives to Violence case manager...the police
are called public servants and you are the public they serve. You can call
your local public servants and repeat this post to them starting with Help,
Help, Help.   I use to advise the men I worked with in ATV to expect others
to refuse to tolerate their Sh-t and give them lots of heat for it and if they
attempted to Power and control their victim there was an open or crowded
jail cell they could wait in until coming in front of the judge who was tired of
seeing them come thru the door and willing to lock them up and toss the
key.   That's the truth. You can use it. It's there for you to use. I don't
recommend harboring criminal, self centered; righteous abnormal behavior
for any reason.   Just from my experience. Sometimes reaching a bottom
means that we've gotta bounce off of it several times before we land and
quit.    (((((hugs))))) smile

fishinmama · Veteran Member

Thank you so much for your replys. Son has to report to po in the morning. I will call when he leaves the house that way what ever is going to happen will happen there and not here. I can feel my back bone growing into a steel rod on this one.

Last night I think my son told my daughter she could live here. She was asked to leave after she took off with my car ( I had posted about this prior). I had ok'd her coming to dinner, but when I got up this morning she was still here and now that I went into her bedroom her personal effects are here along with her cell phone charging on my charger.

I have a fishing trip planned for later this week. I really need to get this all undercontrol at the house so I can fish in the peace that only fishing on the ocean gives me. At this point I would rather face a 30 foot wave than these kids. My commitment to alanon and myself is not going to be pushed by the way side this time. I have gotten my health under control for the moment lost 30 lbs and have worked my way up to 45 minutes a day exercising. I feel too good about the things I have put in this paragraph to go backwards.

Here is to the better life I feel right at my finger tips.

Peace,

fishinmama

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Here's hoping you catch a whopper and give it more fight than it gives you...LOL.
Don't catch it with anger, resentment or revenge...Give it a chance at least.
((((hugs)))) smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I am seeing major progress here! Your thought processes reflect how healthy you are. You are teaching others how they need to treat you. If our kids treat us this way, can you imagine how they would treat others?

I would call the PO myself as I believe everyone needs to answer for their behaviour. I hope it went well for you. Lessons in life are not easy, we learn when we are uncomfortable.

As far as daughter, she is trespassing. I would tell her to pack up now, or I will do it for you. If she was not home, I would pack things up and put them outside.

I know it is a hassle but changing locks or adding one to each door is always an option. Make sure all windows are locked helps too.

Maybe someone could watch your house for you? I hope you get away and enjoy every second of serenity. Give yourself a hug for me! It is so great to read of how strong you are!

Remember too, when the kids have some clarity, they will respect you more for not putting up with this stuff.

love,debilyn

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