The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Not here, this has become my shelter from the storm.
After another drama filled night that left me out after midnight seeking a hotel room just to get a few hours of much needed sleep, I am done here. I have had more drama in one week than I have had in the last ten years.
In one week, it amazes me the things I have done and witnessed and survived.
But if he wants to drink, so be it. It is his life, his liver and his future. Mine does not and WILL NOT include alcohol, sheriff's officers in my home, hiding weapons and medications, trips to crisis centers, un-interrupted sleep from being constantly picked at and blamed for his actions, threats of suicide. I will not spend the rest of my life coming home to find a stinky, snooring man piled up in the bed, sleeping it off. I will not answer the phone any longer to hear drunken sobs of how much he loves me and how horrible I am. WILL NOT.
I am starting to pack my things today and planning a hasty retreat within 30 days, if possible.
I am better than this, I deserve better than this and I am going to get better than this.
(((Acatnip))) Oh my, what a time you've been having! I'm sorry you've had to go through all that. I have no experience to share on this. Just know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers and that you can always find whatever support you need right here.
¨I am better than this, I deserve better than this and I am going to get better than this.¨ Yes, you are- yes, you do- and yes, you will!
Acatnip...sure sounds like acceptance of what is going on in your life and action in motion. Good for you...no one deserves be mistreated. Taking steps to improve your life and moving forward, way to take care of yourself....blessings :)
The transition is a tough time, but the result for me was wonderful. Realizing I was worth it, that I deserved to have a happy, joyous, and free life.
Then I got to start working on myself. The realization that I was not as bad as he proposed - or that I had actually believed all my life anyway - was life changing.
Your life can be anything you want. Isn't that a wonderful prospect?
The separation brought a lot of ups and downs, questioning myself, missing him, disliking him, great days, bad days - but I stayed on the path presented in the program and the promises came true. I am truly a different person. Who would have though after almost 40 years of living?
We are here for you. Acceptance is a beautiful thing, even if it doesn't feel great all the time. Thank you for sharing with us.
Tricia
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
Sounds like you are ready to do what's best for You ! Awesome I am sure it was not an easy decision but your reasons for leaving seem perfectly sane and sound. You have been through alot and for that i am sorry While I can't relate to having an A spouse ( son is my A ) I totally understand the turmoil and insanity of police barging thru the door, the hospital visits, the sucide threats etc. It seriously sucks the life out of you at least it does me. I wish you a smooth transition Blessings to you
Aloha Catnip...nothing wrong with that coarse of action. I did that myself and looking at it on a step to step basis it worked. The best I did along with this stuff was include Al-Anon in the process and that made the process soooo much better. Once in I've never let go of the program. (((((Hugs)))))
I read something recently that says that I was not put on this earth to be emotionally abused by an alcoholic. I never thought of it that way - I don't know WHY I didn't think of it that way but I didn't. I keep reminding myself of that and it feels good! Nobody gets to emotionally abuse me!
Good for you for taking steps to protect yourself. You don't deserve to be abused. Keep coming back - hope to see a lot of you here!! :)
You are a very courageous person who is taking care of herself. You do not deserve the abuse, the threats, the empty apologies. We all push our boundaries until we have had enough. Only each individual knows when the time is up.
I will be praying for you that you are given strength.
Keep letting us know how everything is going for you.
Thank you for all the support. This has been yet another rollercoaster weekend but Monday is a new day. I have made tremendous progress, I applied for credit for a new mobile home (which just kills AH because he cannot believe I would actually leave this 6,000 sq foot home for) and am incredibly happy that I found exactly what is perfect for me. No one else, just me. I start my job tomorrow and have even already forwarded my mail. The few bills I relied on AH to pay have now been transfered over to my account to pay and I feel so free. My daughter and her SO spent the weekend preparing me a place to stay at her place and I think if I have a day off this week I am just going to load my dogs and go. I do not want to waste another weekend on this disfuntional lifestyle.
I have so mentally checked out of here. This beautiful home is a prison. That little single wide is a sanctuary.
