The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have had a few very good days. I have spent less time so focused on AH and focusing more on myself and my children. I have started spring cleaning in and around my house, and I must admit over the past year things have slid pretty bad, do to my own back injury last year other crisises, and AH not helping out around here much, I have become depressed and stopped caring. On our deck was a TV, air conditioner, and other misc items that AH said he would take care of and hasn't, so I started cleaning and decided for myself, why am I going to wait for him, I could be waiting forever and it is only going to hold me back from what I need to get done. So I loaded them up, took the tv to recycling took the airconditioner to the dump along with a bunch of other stuff. Cleaned the deck, got some yard work done and wow, what a sense of accomplishment I had. Then yesterday I took it a step more, I have been waiting for him for over a month to fix our toilet, finally enough is enough, I went to the hardware store myself and asked questions, picked up the part which cost less than $5.00 came home and within 5 minutes I had the toilet fixed and working. I was seriously soaring after that. To me these steps were huge, I have been so dependant on him for so long and have really truly lost a huge part of me. I was a little scared of what his reaction would be, because he is quite often critical and blames me when things go wrong, but to my surprise he actually said he was proud of me. I realized I do not have to depend on him anymore. I do not know what my future holds, and don't know what is going to happen in our marriage 6 months from now, but at least I know I will be ok, because I am learning to look after myself. I also had a great day today, enjoyed the sunshine with my children, we went for a beautiful walk on a beach today, I can feel my HP love shinning on me.
Wahoo for you! My AHsober use to be the biggest procrastinator. Don't buy it I can make it. Don't take the car in I can fix it cheaper. He would never show me how to do anything - if you want a job done right, do it yourself. Since he has left, I have keep a journal. One page says "things I have done myself". Like fix the vacuum, learn how to use the chainsaw. And one page says "people who have helped me". Because I am alone most of the time, I had to learn to ask for help from other people.
Ladies...this is a very important post. I hope others come and join in. I once heard something that upset me deeply (the old dependent me) until I got a chance to calm down and in quiet ponder it. It shook an old core belief and a sponsor told that when that happens it needs more focus. Hears what I was given, "I love you and I love having you here...but I don't need you." So was it she that I was relying on to complete my life or was it me that I thought was completing her life? Think about it. Love the post and subject (((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Saturday 20th of March 2010 10:12:59 PM
As an adult I find it astonishing that I never looked at what co dependancy was. I mean I heard the word but never gave it a thought. I remember my sister in law saying to me..."if your brother is happy then I am happy" ....I remember thinking ..good lord with as miserable as he is you must not have many good days. I have found it very dangerous to look at ourselves thru the eyes of others especially when the "others" are sick. Yes, this is a great topic , thank u for the post. blessings :)
Congratulations!!!! What a good feeling it is to find out you can do something yourself (that in the past was always done by others) My Ah is a huge procrastinator so I've also started doing things myself without waiting for him. Sometimes I can do it or fix it, sometimes I have to hire someone- but at least the thing gets done instead of forever being on his ¨list¨. I've realized that Taking Care of Myself First sometimes means lying in the hammock with a book, and sometimes it means fixing the toilet or the leaky water faucet. They're all things that make me feel good and help make my life a little better. So keep on keepin' on, a little bit at a time. You ARE going to be okay. Thanks for this post, you are an inspiration!
I too loved this post How very inspiring!!!I too learned how to do many things I had decided were "a man's" job and grew with each accomplishment. Mowing the lawn, planting seeds, even leaf blowing were among my early efforts.
I love that, it just made me smile so much............its so empowering to take back control..........well done Tarah......more power tae yer elbow as we say in Scotland!! (it means keep up the good work)
How wonderful for you and your children. Great job working your program. I too, was one to wait for my AH to do things around the house. Now I don't even tell him about them I just do them so I don't have any excuses from him. It makes me feel so good when I accomplish something that he "should have done". Keep up the great work of taking care of yourself, first!
You sound so great and in such a good place. Independence is so important. I have been spring cleaning as well. I have had serious thoughts of splitting up with my husband. I don't know if I will or not, time will tell. However, I am cleaning out the house, just in case, which makes me feel in control of myself and empowered.
