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Hey, MIP Family! Here's another update from my life in Limbo.
(I'm leaving my AH in May after I graduate college, legal separation, moving in with my best friend in another state, hopefully to go to grad school in a year.)
This past weekend I drove to my folk's house and told them about what's been going on. It was hard because we had been hiding the Aism from them, but they were very understanding. I cried, and then Dad cried. But we talked it through and they understand why I'm leaving. I told them several times that Al-Anon is there for them, too. AND they agreed not to be nasty or mean with him, either! All in all, it was the perfect outcome.
Of course, it was funny that they were more concerned with my plans for moving than anything else! We talked through all of my plans several times, and it looks like my Dad's going to help me move. I love him so much.
So I get back home, and things are pretty good for a while. Of course my AH is still drinking every day, but I'm pretty secure in my detachment and AlAnon tools, so I can handle it.
Then I go out with my friends for St. Patty's. Yeah, I had some drinks, but I was a grownup about it, didn't drive, didn't get wasted, etc. I get home and I'm on the phone with my friend talking, and he overhears me say "I can't wait until May." Oops.
Of course I forgot all about it. UNTIL he brings it up again. And I'm thinking "why are you doing this?" So now he's acting all hurt and upset with me and causing drama. I thought I responded pretty well by saying "You're right, that was not the nicest thing to say, but I wasn't talking to you. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but, yeah, I just want this to be over." We didn't fight about it, but he's still trying to make me feel bad. And it's sort of working. :(
*sigh* Back to Square One, I guess. Detach, detach, detach!
Anyway, so that's my update. Told my parents. Had several good days without drama. And a couple with drama. It'll get better again, I know. One day at a time, right?
__________________
"It's a job that's never started that takes the longest to finish."
~ J. R. R. Tolkien
Funny how their drinking makes life so painful, and when we react and want to leave that pain, they behave as if we're doing something wrong. As if we should say, "Yes, I love this pain, can't wait to be around it for years more!" He overheard what the situation is really like for you. So he has some options, two of them being go into recovery, or try to make you feel bad because he's drinking. And guess which option he picks?
Glad you are taking care of you. They keep giving us more reasons not to regret our decisions, don't they?
@nmike: My plan took some time and some patience, so don't worry. Yours will come together when it needs to. I had to give it to my HP, heck I'm doing that every day. I can get the ball rolling, but HP is the one who makes it happen. Back to the Serenity Prayer! I'm changing what I can, and giving the rest up to HP!
@Mattie: That's a great way of looking at it! 1: Yeah, he's just trying to share his misery. Thanks but no thanks. I've got enough of my own. 2: I do have to remember that he has choices. You get sucked into their thinking that you're causing the problems (If you'd just be insane with them, all would be well!) but that's what detachment is for! Back to the 3 Cs! 3: Also, yeah, these are great reminders of why I need to leave. Do I want to be with someone who makes me miserable? NO! Every time he does something that upsets me, I have to turn it around and say "thank you. Thank you for showing me that I'm making the right decision."
Great ESH guys! Thanks again! :)
__________________
"It's a job that's never started that takes the longest to finish."
~ J. R. R. Tolkien
3: Also, yeah, these are great reminders of why I need to leave. Do I want to be with someone who makes me miserable? NO! Every time he does something that upsets me, I have to turn it around and say "thank you. Thank you for showing me that I'm making the right decision."
Wow - just what I needed to hear - thanks so much for YOUR ESH!
